"That's not a story! It doesn't have a Chinese sorcerer or clam chowder in it!"
Very well. *ahem*
Once upon a time there was a clumsy Chinese sorcerer who turned himself into clam chowder. Then he realized that he had been clam chowder born in a man's body all along, and lived happily ever after. The end.
File this under "bedtime conversations with my wife."