atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#4128: Steamed hams!

I'm not 100% sure that's the right term, and I am probably mis-remembering about 60% of the actual exchange:

In an older Simpsons episode, they show six short stories from around Springfield, and one of them is about Principal Skinner and the Superintendant. Skinner is having the Super over for dinner, and is preparing (as I recall) steamed clams--but something goes wrong and in a panic he runs out to Krusty Burger.
"Skinner," the Superintendant asks, "I thought you said we were having steamed clams."

"Oh," Skinner says, laughing, "you must have mis-heard me. I said we were having steamed hams."

"These are hamburgers."

"Yes! ...that's what they call them, uh, up in New York state...."

"I've never heard that, and I'm from Utica."

"Well...this is more of an...Albany thing."
Anyway: when I need some fast and easy food cartridges, I'll bop over to McDonald's and get a couple of double hamburgers with no pickle. The one I normally go to, they charge $1 apiece for them. It is not the most appetizing thing on their menu (by far) but it's quick, cheap, easy food that has some reasonable food value to it--ie protein--rather than being generally STARCH! or MORE STARCH, WITH GREASE! or GREASY STARCH WHICH HAS SEEN MEAT FROM A DISTANCE! $3 and change will keep me going for quite a while, though I do sometimes have trouble choking down the third one, because bland food is bland; they're not always very good about getting those patties salted and peppered the way they're supposed to.

I have come to refer to this meal as "steamed hams". Part of it stems from the fact that the burger patties (themselves composed of perhaps 70% ground beef and 30% "pink slime" which is, at least, a beef byproduct, enabling McDonald's to say "100% beef!" I don't care) are first grilled and then put into a warmer which--you guessed it--is kept warm with steam. Another part of it comes from the fact that Krusty Burgers are themselves the worst of slodge food. ("I almost swallowed some of the juice," Krusty complained after pretending to enjoy a bite of one of his burgers. "I'm gonna be tasting that for weeks.") The double hamburger, at $1, is pretty much slodge food, but is at least more edible than the Krusty Burger.

But! Nonetheless, McDonald's double hamburger is now a "steamed ham", and that's the long and short of it.

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