atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#4311: LISTEN already!

When I have already told you THREE TIMES that your computer has a hardware problem and I cannot fix it, asking me a FOURTH time is not going to change the damned answer.

This guy, today, brought in this huge f-ing Alienware desktop. It had chrome crap all over it and weighed about a thousand pounds; it had a liquid cooling system and two double-wide video cards, and four hard drives in a RAID.

"The DVI isn't working," was the complaint. So I tried all four outputs and got nothing, and then had a gander inside, only to see that the motherboard had a POST indicator on it, and it was cycling through the same sequence of digits over and over again. I reseated the RAM and tried reseating the video cards, but I couldn't get them to disengage from the PCI-E slots and didn't want to force them. A quick look in the service order system showed that the system was not considered repairable by our service center (due to age or other factors) so I had to deliver the bad news to the guy...and had to explain my findings over and over and over again until they finally managed to penetrate whatever insulation was preventing his brain from receiving the information.

It drives me absolutely buggy when someone brings a computer to me and then I have to explain my findings four f-ing times in a two-minute period using exactly the same words over and over again. That vein you see throbbing in my forehead is the result of me not adding intensifiers to my speech such as "you fucking ass goblin".

When I have already told you THREE TIMES that I can't tell you why your new TV--bought from another company--does not receive all your cable channels (especially without seeing the TV and the other hardware), asking me a FOURTH time is not going to change the damned answer.

A couple brought in their TV with the complaint that it was no longer displaying a picture. I took the service order and deposit, but when that was all done the guy kept asking me why their new TV wasn't receiving all the cable channels. Was it the brand? (You didn't tell me the brand, anus, not that it matters!) Was it the cable box? Was there something about newer TVs that made them work differently? I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR DAMNED CABLE. CALL THE CABLE COMPANY.

Even so, that doesn't bother me nearly as much as the people who are bringing in a computer for someone else but don't have any knowledge of the issue at hand. "Okay, let me call him, because I don't know anything about it." WHY ARE YOU THE ONE BRINGING ME THE F-ING COMPUTER?

It's pretty frustrating.

Phone call: "Yeah, all the lights go on on my computer and then go off. Can you fix it?" "I would have to see the machine to really get an idea--" "Yeah, but what's wrong with it?" "I really can't tell you what--" "Well, all the lights go on, and then they go off again. Do I need a new charger?" "I would have to have a look at--" "Maybe I need a new battery?" "As I said, I can't really tell you without looking at--" "Or do you think it's the hard drive going bad?"

What I don't say:

I AM NOT MAGICAL AND CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR COMPUTER WITHOUT ACTUALLY SEEING THE FUCKING THING. I SUSPECT THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH YOUR COMPUTER IS THE PERSON WHO OPERATES IT. AND STOP INTERRUPTING ME, YOU FUCKING ASS GOBLIN.

And then there's the person who gets mad at me because the service center can't repair her five year old laptop. "Why do you sell these things if you can't fix them?"

FFFFUUUU-

The capper, though, is the service order software itself. When someone brings me a Samsung Galaxy phone, if the IMEI doesn't match with one in the database I have to spend an inordinate amount of time making sure that I'm ordering the right f-ing telephone. Search for the SKU on the web site? "Oops! We couldn't find what you're asking for" which is horseshit. Search for the model? You get 450,000 hits because every accessory sold for that model also comes up.

Eh? "What about the description"? Well, here's what it says on my screen: "SPRINT SAMSUNG SAMSUNG GALAX". The model number inside the phone does not match the model number in the database, either, and neither of those numbers match the model number that's displayed on-line when you search the web site. (If the carrier is Verizon or AT&T, instead of "SPRINT" it says "VERIZON or "AT&T".) Nowhere in the service order creation process can you ever see the entirety of the model description, which reads something like "SPRINT SAMSUNG SAMSUNG GALAXY S III 4G". I have no idea why the redundant "Samsung" is in the description, but it very neatly prevents the MODEL TYPE AND VERSION from being visible. Also, the carrier info could easily be truncated to three letters (SPR, VER, and AT&) without causing any confusion whatsoever, thus making more information available to the poor beleagured consultation agent who has a mere fifteen minutes to determine what the issue is and create a service order to rectify the situation.

Today I very nearly ordered a white Galaxy S II to replace a blue Galaxy S III. At least the entirety of the description field prints on the service order. I had to recreate the ticket, though, which left me a total of fifteen minutes in the hole after all was said and done because it took me so long to find the right f-ing phone.

Still makes me want to booze up and riot, though.

* * *

"Policy, meet empirical evidence." Climatologists are upset that people are no longer listening to them.

Well, there's a reason:
Observe the climate models, where over 100 different computer simulations have made predictions of rapid warming that simply have not been seen. These models are increasingly wrong, and essentially none of them have predicted that warming has not only stopped, but has stopped for 17 years:
28,000 new "low maximum" records set this summer, but we still have to worry about man-made global warming because SCIENCE!

* * *

On the plus side, because I had to put up with all that frustration today, I'm annoyed enough that I want to do something where I don't have to think at all--and cutting the grass is perfect for that state of mind. Whee!
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