atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#4376: Can you tell I needed a mental health day?

That last post was something else. Well, today of all days I suppose it's okay.

I was scheduled to go in today, but ended up taking a sick day (last one was July 25th) because I woke up with the weight of a sorely screwed up world on my shoulders.

Ordinary depression is something I'm used to. Having a depression-anxiety disorder (mostly anxiety) since my teen years has inured me to the effects of having the blues, and I am very conversant at dealing with them. Today was something else, deeper and thornier than usual. Even so I gutted it up and got myself moving, but I only made it as far as getting into the bathroom before I realized It just isn't going to work and gave up.

I ended up calling off, going back to bed, and hating myself for my weakness, but also with just a little bit of relief.

I will do better tomorrow.

* * *

This is impossible because of course it's against the law for convicted felons to possess firearms. And again we see just how effective laws are at keeping guns out of the hands of criminals.

* * *

Michael Flynn made a real movie with friends when he was in high school--on 8mm and then 16mm film!--and it seems as if they actually made a decent effort.

I still have this fantasy about doing a proper digital edit of Captain Fantastic, the feature-length anti-hero movie some friends and I made in 1991. I have all the raw video (and have already recorded it to DVD) so getting it into the computer shouldn't be beyond my capabilities, and there are a bunch of programs out there I could use to edit the thing. As a bonus I could synchronize audio to video and use nifty scene transitions and redo the title sequence (the original was done on a C-64 with character graphics *whimper*).

But it would take a lot of time, and I haven't had any to spend on a project which would be amusing but otherwise almost totally without benefit.

I do still fantasize about setting up a workstation in the basement and doing it. I have enough computer hardware; Cephiro would work just fine as a multimedia workstation and the only thing that prevents it is the lack of time for anything of the sort, especially since I'd first have to clean off the desk that's down there. Argh etc.

Still, I am glad not to have lots of free time. In this economy, we must be glad for what work we have.

* * *

Autumn fell like a sixteen ton weight yesterday. This time yesterday we had the AC running; today it's 55° outside. I have not yet broken down and put on sweatpants, but it's not going to get warmer outside today and I'd wager I'll be feeling chilly before long.

It reminds me that winter is coming, and I'm starting to debate the wisdom of living somewhere that has winter. I have never felt like this before in my life.

* * *

And--at long last--today--just now--I submitted my novel to Castalia House.
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