I am going to make this daring and quite possibly insane assumption based solely on the fact that THE BATTERIES IN YOUR NONFUNCTIONAL REMOTE CONTROL ARE ENCRUSTED WITH ALKALAI SALTS.
African lady (by which I mean she is obviously a native of Africa, complete with the accent) gives me her remote control and, in a huff, tells me it's not working. I pop the battery cover off, see that one of them is covered with white powdery corrosion, and ask her if she's tried replacing the batteries.
"Yes, of course!"
So I showed her the corroded batteries and asked, "You put these batteries in?" I didn't bother listening to the response, but instead went and got a set of good batteries, put them in, and tried the remote on the nearest TV of that brand. Result: remote works fine.
Lady comes in with iPad she bought a few days ago. Cellular iPad, has a SIM card slot and everything; only the tray for the SIM card is missing. Lady claims that the tray "fell inside" and she can't get it out.
I extracted the SIM card that was stuck in the slot, but instead of telling her she was a lying sack of shit I made a show of looking in the slot with a penlight to see if I could find the missing SIM tray. Of course it wasn't in there; the SIM tray can only fit into its slot one way, and because its outside face is physically larger than the slot it is simply impossible to drop the tray into the slot and lose it.
Here's what actually happened: lady went to put the Verizon SIM into the device, but when she ejected the SIM tray, she dropped it and couldn't find it. She then stuck the SIM card into the iPad, thinking that the SIM tray is an exciting optional extra, but of course that didn't work. Having bungled the job, she then decided that she could get a new one by taking it back and claiming that it fell inside.
Me, I wasn't going to argue with her, and I certainly wasn't going to call her a liar to her face. I sent her over to customer service.
Number three: guy comes in wanting to renew his antivirus. I helped him out with it, of course, but the renewal didn't percolate through the system. You get a keycode via e-mail once it has, but sometimes it can take up to 24 hours for that email to generate. This guy was put out by that fact.
What I didn't say: "Based on the fact that your subscription expired November 24 and you are only now getting around to renewing it five weeks later, I think waiting an extra twenty-four hours should not be much of a stretch."
When he asked me if I thought it would be okay for him to use his computer, though, I did end up telling him that as he's been without protection for more than a month, one more day shouldn't make much of a difference.
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Something that just occurred to me:
Since Mrs. Fungus will not eat my delicious ham and bean soup anyway I could probably put mushrooms in it.
Before I got married, I'd put mushrooms in just about everything I cooked. A can of plain old button mushrooms, usually "stems and pieces" because I don't care that much, and when added liquid wasn't an issue I'd dump the whole can in without draining it, even.
Mrs. Fungus, however, does not like mushrooms.
I can adapt to "no mushrooms" a hell of a lot easier than I can adapt to "no Mrs. Fungus" so the tradeoff is one I've gladly made. But when it comes to things that she won't eat, it would not cause any trouble at all for me to include them.
I make ham and bean soup because I will not waste a ham bone by throwing it away, and I can eat delicious soup for several days afterwards. It typically means that I cook something for my wife and then eat soup myself, but that works just fine.
I got this recipe from my mom. It's actually meant to be something you can throw together in about an hour, using a ham steak and a few cans of great northern beans, some onion, green pepper, garlic, and soup stock of one kind or another. Most of the hour was spent simmering so the flavors could marry; it was good, but it always was a bit thin for my taste. Making it in the crock pot, from a ham bone, water, dry beans, and so on--that makes for a rich, hearty soup. (I was laughing as I ladled out some this evening, after work, because it had the consistency of gelatin after sitting in the fridge overnight.)
That 15-bean soup mix (minus the packet of stock or whatever the hell it is) is perfect for this, too. Put the ham bone into the crock, dump the dry beans on top. Add chopped onion and green pepper, and a generous dollop of chopped garlic. About half a teaspoon of black pepper, then fill the pot with enough water to cover the ingredients. Turn it on "high" for about six hours. Fish out the bones, dice up the meat. Serve with Marconi's Italian bread (AKA Ginzo bread).
Since we usually do not get through the whole ham before it's time to make soup, my soup comes out nice and meaty, just the way I like it. There are not many soups in this world that I can make a meal of, but this is one of them.
* * *
So now that I'm home from work, I'm taking the rest of the year off! That's right, no more work this year! I'm going to relax and have fun, and laugh at all the poor SOBs who are stuck in the daily grind and who....
...yeah, it's my regularly-scheduled weekend, and I go back to work on Thursday, which is the first day of 2015. Technically correct, but my way sounds like a lot more fun.