atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#4546: I'VE GOT THE BEST WIFE EVER

Today she went grocery shopping, and when she saw official Hostess Sno-Balls for sale in a box of 10, she bought them. And she also bought a box of Ho-Hos. Win.

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This just in: BPA is not bad for you, not even remotely, not even a little bitty bit. So if you were worried about the adverse health effects of Bisphenol A, you can now relax.

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Not all of these are design flaws but procedure flaws. The Enterprise (and, by extension, other Constitution-class starships) can only be taken over "easily" because of how the Federation does things.

So here's my answers:

#10: Seperate phaser firing room: It's typical for naval battleships to have fire control in a different compartment than the bridge. When the captain of an Iowa-class battleship wants to fire the 16-inch guns, he doesn't go to a console and pull the trigger; he gives the order and the gun is fired by ordinancemen and/or fire-controlmen. The Enterprise is built this way probably by extension.

#9: No seat belts: In a world with inertial dampeners (which the Enterprise has) you don't need seat belts. The Enterprise needs inertial control because otherwise the crew would be reduced to a thin smear of molecules the first time they went to warp drive; starships accelerate and decelerate fast. Seat belts are pointless, because if the inertial dampeners fail, you're paste anyway.

#8: Bridge consoles that constantly blow up: This is a design flaw. There should be surge suppressors and blowout panels and-and-and to prevent the kind of hazard that exploding consoles present for crew.

#7: Bridge is easily cut off from the rest of the ship. This is a security feature; it allows a relatively small cadre of crew to defend the bridge should it be assaulted. (See #1, below.)

#6: Only one transporter room. There are actually more than one transporter room on the Enterprise and her sister ships. It's pretty easy to assume that they share common systems, though, and when one fails the others are also down.

#5: Main engineering is really easy to access. Dilithium crystals are, by themselves, harmless. Still, as a critical (and potentially dangerous) space aboard ship, there should be restrictions on who can access it. Here we go with Federation procedures: in Starfleet, no one ever does anything he's not supposed to. (Unless he does, of course, but that's always because he's a bad guy, and no one could ever have seen that coming!)

#4: Self-destruct talks really loudly. You want self-destruct to speak loudly. The idea is to warn people they're on a ship that's going to blow up. Feature, not bug.

#3: Super easy to make the Enterprise blow up. The ship is powered by the mutual annihilation of matter and anti-matter. Of course it's easy to blow the ship up. In this, they touch on something that has annoyed me for a very, very long time:
...[H]ere's one area where the Enterprise-D is definitely not superior: there are at least a half dozen warp core breaches listed on Memory Alpha. So why aren't there better fail-safes in place? The crew was usually left to try to either eject the core, which wasn't a particularly reliable procedure, or to separate the starship.
The warp core ejection system never fucking worked. Never. That is a design flaw.

#2: Bridge is kind of an easy target. No kidding. This is a ship which is armed to the teeth (some six phaser emitters on the primary hull alone) yet the bridge is right on top, in the middle, like a giant f-ing bullseye on a target. You hit that and it's adios muchachos, yet no one ever seems to aim at it. Enterprise D had a "battle bridge" in the secondary hull, which was better protected, but they almost never used it. This is a design flaw.

#1: So easy to take over. Again, Starfleet procedures--the ship is not protected from such a takeover because, gosh, members of the Federation and Starfleet personnel are such good guys they'd never use their advanced technological knowledge to take over a starship when they're not allowed to! That's just crazy talk!

*sigh*

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Mrs. Fungus and I watched Plan 9 From Outer Space last night. I taped it in 1996. Holy crap.

Having watched Ed Wood, I could not help--during the cemetery scenes--watching for actors colliding with tombstones.

I've got to find my tape of Glen or Glenda; that's one she's never seen. Heh.
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