atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#4599: Chester Arthur owned 80 pairs of pants. last night Mrs. Fungus read that factoid from a Snapple cap, and asked me how often he would have to change his pants to wear them all in a day.

18 minutes.

That resulted in the following riff:
Aide: Mr. Vice President, I've got bad news. President Garfield has been assassinated! W're going to have to swear you in right away.

Chester A. Arthur: Good God, we must move at once. Let me change my pants.

time passes

Judge: So repeat after me. I, Chester Arthur, do solemnly swear....

CAA: I, Chester Arthur, do solemnly know, wait just a moment. I have to go change my pants.

Judge: But...Mr. Vice President, this won't take long--

CAA: No, I've got to change them now. It's been almost 18 minutes since I last changed them!
Aide: Mr. President, here's today's schedule. Ten AM, meeting with Boy Scouts. 10:18, change pants. 10:19, continue meeting with Boy Scouts.

CAA: Understood.

Aide: 10:36, change pants.
Of course, if we assume that he slept for 8 hours, then he'd actually have to change pants every twelve minutes in order to get through 80 pairs in one day. But who's counting?

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