It does not help that I spent five hours in the noise box. It further does not help that I barely slept last night. *sigh*
* * *
While at church on Sunday--the first time I went in, I think, more than a year--I realized why I had not gone: the contrast between being at church and being at the soul-sucking noise box is stark and knife-edged, and sitting in church I could not believe how awful the world is by comparison. "Be in the world, not of it" is an extremely difficult thing to manage. I try, but I do not do very well, because being of the world is such an easy place to fall into; and once you are of the world it is very, very hard to climb out of that pit. The shallow things have a very strong grip on your soul, because that grip is all they are.
Being of the world gets your bills paid, and makes your life very, very comfortable...but this life is a temporary thing, and when you get to the hereafter, the material things you struggled to obtain don't amount to a hill of beans, and they certainly won't buy you a place at God's side.
As tough as it was, I needed to go back, though. As hard as things have been in my personal economy there is a reason I'm going through all this, and it's not because some cosmic jester is getting a cheap laugh out of it. I needed to go back, and from now on every Sunday I have off I'm making a concerted effort to go. I may not rejoin choir and I may not do the trustee thing, but just going to worship is the most important part anyway.
* * *
But it's Monday afternoon, and I have the next couple of days off, and I have time to do things I want to do alongside all the chores that remain. I will not be bored.