At issue was the fact that their bill was very, very high, because they had not gotten the promotional deals they had been told they were due; and in order to understand what needed to be done about it, I had to spend quite some time digging into the facts of the case in order to decide what I could do about the issue.
Several facts came to light. The couple in question had, in mid-September, traded in two old cell phones on two new cell phones and, in the process, also bought two tablets, two cases for same, two screen protectors, two speakers, and a $300 GoPro camera. Further delving into the facts revealed that they had received a total of $300 worth of trade-in credit from the two phones when they should have been due $400. I was prepared to issue a credit for the missing $100 within about thirty minutes of the start of the call, because my investigation had revealed that some mistakes had been made during the transaction, which--it must be said--was extremely complex due to the trade-ins and the new phones and the other new hardware and-and-and.
The sticking point was that these two rocket scientists somehow thought they were supposed to get $500 worth of electronics for turning in two old cell phones, in the same transaction where they also bought $1,400 worth of new cell phones.
I lost track of how many times I explained it to them: the trade-in on one cell phone was used towards the purchase of the tablets and accessories. The trade-in on the other was inexplicably smaller than it should have been and that they'd been double-charged for tax on one of the new cell phones.
The woman was hostile, the man was...I don't even know what he was. Drunk, or stoned, or maybe both, but it was clear the woman was the brains of the outfit, and she was a mightily dim bulb.
The height of the conversation, for me, went thus:
Woman: We didn't buy anything!The point I was trying to make--which I subsequently explained--was that they had indeed bought everything we were talking about. Some of it they agreed to pay for later, some they exchanged the trade-in phones for, some they paid money for--but they most assuredly bought all of it.
Me: Okay...so, then, you stole it?
Woman: [outraged] Are you trying to be funny?
Me: No, I'm asking a serious question; I'm trying to figure out how you came to be in posession of this stuff if you didn't buy it.
This simple fact was entirely beyond their comprehension.
No matter how I tried to explain it to them, they simply could not understand that #Major_Telecom expected them to pay for their purchases. They didn't understand that their bill was $500 more than usual because they had bought $500 worth of merchandise and charged it to their bill; the man actually tried to tell me that the merchandise was "like, a gift" for trading in the old phones. So they tried to pin me down, asking if their bill would have been that high absent their purchases--as if that was proving anything. Of course your bill would have been less if you hadn't bought that stuff!
My wisecrack disguised as a serious question--I absolutely could not contain that one, not when presented with such a magnificent straight line. Holy shit.
And because they were so entitled, because they were so stupid, we went around and around and around and around for almost two hours. I was not going to give them anything more than the $100 they were entitled to; they bought the stuff and they have to pay for it, like it or not. During my investigation I saw signed credit card receipts and other information they were in posession of before leaving the store, enough information that a reasonable person would say, "Hey, what is this going to end up costing me?" But these were not reasonable people.
So it was 11:20--80 minutes past my quitting time--when my boss told me, "Okay, go ahead and transfer it to me." I did, with thanks, and punched out right away--though I hung around until the call was over. He ended up giving them the $100 they were due, and no more, which gladdened my heart considerably.
To make these matters even more entertaining, then--the bill on which these charges appeared came out in mid-October. Note please that it's nearly mid-December, nearly two months later, and they're only now getting around to objecting to all this.
So of course they asked me, if they were to take the camera back, would that help any? I was forced to tell them that the purchase date was more than fourteen days past, and that because it was nearly two months later that NO, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO RETURN THE DAMNED CAMERA YOU FUCKING ASS GOBLIN.
...what I actually said: "Well, the return period is fourteen days, and it's been almost two months, so I'm afraid you wouldn't be able to return the camera for a refund."
Even so, I left the building with a smile on my face. These two weren't miggims; they weren't smart enough for that. They were merely entitled and stupid, and even when they ganged up on me I was running rings around them because the facts were on my side.
Nonetheless I am still, even now (after dinner and the season finale of Leftovers) incredulous that these people didn't understand that they'd bought things from #Major_Telecom. Holy crap.