atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#5162: Fifteen minutes

I have that much time before I must get to bed. Here I go.

Four more Avatar movies. Oh dear God no.

"Drudge....shined the spotlight on the cockroaches in Colorado." I hope Don Surber is right.

* * *

Today, a miggim, hereafter named "Mr. Merits". Mr. Merits called in because he had already spent three hours on the phone with various reps trying to weasel as much out of them as he could. He'd already gotten some $92 in credits plus a guarantee of getting a $130 bluetooth speaker for $90, but that wasn't enough. See, he has an employee discount--he consistenly referred to it as his "merits"--and he insisted that "my merits have to be applied" and he was upset that they had not been.

His purchase was not eligible for the employee discount. Some discount packages (they vary by the employer and what their contract with #Major_Telecom is like) give a 25% discount on accessories, like bluetooth speakers...but not every accessory is eligible for that discount. This was one such example, because its list price has very little margin in it. Mr. Merits had already been given $40 off the price of the thing, as a paean to his entitlement; but he was unhappy that his "merits" didn't apply to the price of the accessory, and that he couldn't bill it to his account but had to pay for it with a credit card. The previous rep who had entered the order had not told him these things, he claimed; as our conversation progressed I was willing to bet that one of two things were so: a) she had, but he didn't listen; b) she had not, because he was such a massively festering piece of distended rectum that she just wanted to get off the phone with him. (Third possibility: she had, but he lied about it.)

At the end of all this I realized this useless git had two basic options: 1) accept the order as-is (because I was not going to give him another penny), or 2) I could get the order canceled for him, because the terms were not what he'd been told. I presented them to him.

Naturally he did not like either alternative. Especially because he wanted the bluetooth speaker and expected he was only going to pay $58 for it, no ifs ands or buts. Eventually, he decided he wanted to talk to a supervisor, after realizing he wasn't getting anything from me.

So the supervisor came on, and offered to credit back to him the $22.50 difference that his "merits" would have gotten him. We can't change the order, but we could credit it back to his account, so when he pays for the thing with his credit card he's still getting $22.50 off his bill, so he doesn't have to pay it there. With that $22.50 credit he'd be getting the thing for 52% of MSRP, about $68.

Mr. Merits didn't like that plan. I could only hear what the supervisor was saying, but that was enough for me to reconstruct the conversation; and he was insisting on getting the speaker for $58, which is 48% of MSRP. The supervisor--by this time, herself getting sick of this rectal orofice--simply told him that he had two choices: he could either take the $22.50 credit, or we could cancel the order for him.

He wanted to talk to her boss. "I'm as high as it goes tonight, sir," she said, several times. She offered the $22.50 credit several times. He refused.

...and so after she rang off, she told me to make some extensive and explicit notes, making sure to say that this useless glob of suet had refused the $22.50 and that no further credits were to be issued PER SUPERVISOR. I gleefully made a TON of notes to that effect.

If a rep makes an offer to you, and you refuse it and escalate to a sup, that deal is off the table. If you escalate, and the supervisor makes you an offer, and you reject it, you get zip. That's the rule. You can hold out for more if you want, but you're likely to get nothing.

Idiot.

The other moron tonight was this woman who is playing some idiotic game app and was unhappy because she was no longer able to buy hint packages. So far this month she racked up some $140 worth of these; and as Mrs. Fungus remarked, if you suck that bad at a game you should stop playing it. Shit.

Anyway, she had a past-due balance of $195 on her account, and if your past-due is more than $25, your ability to bill things to your account is turned off until such time as you make a payment.

"Well, who can fix that?"

No one. No one can, no one will. This is policy. You want to buy hundreds of dollars of hints for a stupid game, that's your business, but your past due must be under $25 if you want to bill it to your account.

She escalated too, of course; it was a long wait for a supervisor tonight, so I let her stew. She hung up, so--per policy--I called her back; and she wanted me to call her on another number because she couldn't be on hold on this line all night. (Probably interfering with her stupid game.) I told her I can't do that, for a variety of reasons, but the real reason is that one of our key metrics is transfers...and any time a rep calls out, like when a call drops or some entitled shithead hangs up on you, that counts as a transfer. I'm willing to call you back once, but I won't do it more than that, especially if you're being a tool. Especially since my transfer metric is pretty cruddy so far this month.

Gah! Assholes. And I have another 9-hour day tomorrow, and Sunday; and I bet money that if Monday is not a 10-hour day, Thu, Fri, Sat, and Sun of next week will be.

*sigh* I'd better get to bed. My fifteen minutes were over fifteen minutes ago.
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