atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#5358: STFU

Customers are idiots, and I hate them.

Look: wait times have been high because queues are big, because Samsung laid a huge frickin' egg (they called it "Note 7") right about the same time Apple released the iPhone 7. Thursday we actually had zero calls in queue for about half an hour, which was the first time I'd seen that since Labor Day.

Yesterday, this anus--a miggim--calls in, and spends five minutes berating me: "Why did I have to wait twenty-three minutes? This is terrible customer service. Do you think it's right that I had to wait that long?" That's what miggims do: they expect you to answer their questions and get yourself into trouble. What they want is to make sure you understand they can shit all over you and you must take it.

I don't play the game. I simply told him, "I do understand that there's a significant wait time; we are experiencing higher than normal call volumes. I apologize for the inconvenience."

I can't say, to these idiots, what I want to say; so I'll say it here.

Look: you are not the only person waiting in line to talk to someone. Currently we have two calls waiting in queue for every single agent logged in, and every one of those callers--just like you--expects to be helped immediately and thoroughly, with the rep taking as much time as necessary to resolve your issue. When you spend five minutes berating me over your wait time, you're not just holding up your own resolution but those of everyone in line behind you. You are part of the problem. Everyone has to wait his turn, so, yeah, I think it's right that you had to wait your turn.

So, you say $Major_Telecom should do something about it. Let me tell you something: everyone in this call center is on mandatory overtime. Some of us are required to work eleven hour shifts. Myself, I am out my house for twelve hours on every workday. We have several metrics to which we must adhere, and a few of them are mutually exclusive, yet we face disciplinary action if we fail to meet them all. We do a very stressful job--listening to people like you yell at us over issues we have absolutely no power to correct--for less than industry average pay. The burnout and turnover rates are horrendous.

Meanwhile, you also complain that your cellular service costs too much and you threaten to go to another carrier. Think about that the next time you look at your phone bill.



The other real winner yesterday was the woman who insisted that I should give her something like a $300 credit for a data overage she incurred. I look in the outbound communication log and see text message after text message--starting sixteen days ago--telling her every time she incurred another data overage charge.

Customer: Well, yes, I got them, but every time I called I was put on hold, and I was at work and didn't have time to wait!

Me: The first message was sent on the second. You haven't had a day off since then?

Customer: Well, I did, but then I got put on hold!

Look: if you can't be fucked to call us and find out why you're getting so many overage charges, don't be surprised when the rep you talk to is completely unsympathetic to your plight. Before the bill generates, we can find ways to mitigate the charges and to help you get your data use under control. It gets a lot harder afterwards, and no matter how much you threaten to leave, you're not entitled to a credit for your data use. You knew you were using all that data, and you chose to do nothing. Congratulations; you earned that bill.

What I wanted to say to her: Look, lady, if I take this case to my boss and ask him to issue a $300 credit, he's going to laugh his ass off and say "no".

Then, in relatively rapid succession, I had some unlimited data babies, people whose accounts were hit by the latest price increases for unlimited data packages. And that left me with more shit I can't say to customers.

Look here: when you are paying $130 a month for unlimited data, when a 100 GB plan costs $450, STFU.

Threaten to call your lawyer; it doesn't scare me. And it doesn't because any competent lawyer is going to say to you, "You can file a lawsuit over this, but I'll tell you what will happen: their lawyers will point to their terms and conditions, where it says 'pricing subject to change without notice', and then move to dismiss...and the judge will agree. You don't have a case, so either pay the freight or find another carrier."

"I have a contract!" or "I'm grandfathered!" You don't have a contract which guarantees you will never see a price increase. No corporation would ever agree to provide a service at a price fixed for eternity, unless some very specific circumstances apply. When it comes to cellular service your contract usually specifies two things: how long you will retain service, and what happens if you cancel early. There may be a notification in there about plan pricing not changing, but even if there is, these price increases take place after the contract has expired. Which means you're free to terminate service without penalty if you don't like the price increase, but it also means the price on your plan can be increased.

And that "grandfathered" nonsense--you being grandfathered extends only to you getting to keep the unlimited data plan. It does not mean you get to pay the same price on it forever.

...all this horseshit over a twenty dollar per month increase. For something that costs a hell of a lot more to provide. Like I said before, 100 GB of data costs $450 a month.

And most of these asshats don't use anything like that much. Mr. "Grandfathered" uses an average of 20 GB per month, and for that, he's only paying enough to cover a 16 GB plan for a new customer who brings his own phone.

These people get really angry that their free ride is coming to an end; of course, that's what happens when someone gets something for a ridiculously low price and then the price realigns with reality.

* * *

If there is not a Trumpslide on November 8th, there is a very good chance that the USA will find itself at war with a Russo-Chinese alliance. And that is a war that a USA saddled with the incompetent and unwell Hillary Clinton as Commander-in-Chief will almost certainly lose.
Exactly. Whereas if we get Trump, we at least have a chance of avoiding a total war.

* * *

"Probably more Christians are radicalized" than muslims. Well, perhaps, in 21st century America this is so; but what does that mean in practical terms?

Radical muslims: bombings, shootings, mass violence, subjugation of women, executions of non-muslims, executions of gays, terrorism on both small and large scale, constant internecine war

Radical Christians: Jehova's Witnesses, proselytizing, speaking in tongues, protests outside abortion clinics

I'd rather spend a year in the company of radical Christians than five minutes in the company of radical muslims.

* * *

Read Strawberry Marshmallow manga, volumes 1-5, apparently the entire series. I enjoy it a lot, but last night we came to the story where Noby is applying for a job at 7-11, and when she calls the place to schedule a time to come in and apply, at the end of the call Miu yells, "FUNGAH!" into the phone:

I laughed my ass off.

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