atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#5382: This is the day that the Lord has made!

Rejoice in it, and be glad!

...need to remind myself of that a lot more often than I have been. I even made a refrigerator magnet out of that when I found it printed on an egg carton, lo these many years ago, but too often I forget.

Mrs. Fungus often laments that we had to wait so long to meet each other--but if she had met me years before she did, she probably would not have loved me. I think about this kind of thing once in a while; prior to 2011 I was not worthy of her love, and I frequently wonder if I am now. She assures me that I am, but sometimes I just don't see it. Every night I thank God for her presence in my life.

What happened? In 2011 I hit rock bottom, lost my marbles, and ended up in the psych ward; and when I came out, I started rebuilding everything. I had to. And I rebuilt according to principles which I learned along the way, realizing that lots of my upbringing had steered me wrong.

I realized--before the ossification of middle age could really set in--what really matters in this world, and what does not. And finally--decades after my birth--I discovered what love is, and learned how to love God. I volunteered to sing in public, something I had been loath to do for most of my life, and found that I enjoyed it tremendously.

I found my spine, I taught myself to let go of useless things, and I stood on my own two feet for the first time in a very long one. I stopped being afraid all the time.

I could not have done any of it without first returning to church.

That was the most important thing I could have done. I should have done it sooner; I had felt drawn back to church for several years before Mom died. The biggest problem I have with my job is that I can't go to church and I can't sing in choir, because I work evenings on Thursday and mornings on Sunday.

That'll change, of course. I'm not going to be stuck on this schedule forever. And that will do.
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