atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#5391: The stupidest people in the United States

Who are they? Educated whites, that's who. The more education they have, the stupider they are.

It's not because they can't figure out how to pour piss out of a boot with instructions printed on the heel; it's because they automatically assume they are smarter than everyone else and act accordingly.

Case in point: the idiot who kept me at work an extra half-hour this evening, because he simply could not comprehend the fact that if you buy four new iPhones and add 10 GB to your data plan, gosh! Your bill is going to go up, and pretty steeply. The difference in equipment charges alone was sixty fucking dollars.

This came after he called in, protesting that he had been charged for returning a damaged device. Looked up the abuse photo, found the screen all cracked to shit. Dickwad insisting it's not his fault--packed two phones to a box and "It was pristine when I packed it!"--and of course I'm not allowed to say what I really want to say, and I really wanted to say it after he himself pointed out that iPhones are fragile:

WELL, DUMBASS, IF YOU'D WRAPPED THE FUCKING THING IN BUBBLE WRAP, IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN DAMAGED!

Here's how you wrap a phone for shipping: you take bubble wrap, and you make sure the entire surface of the phone is covered with it, and you tape it in place. More than one layer for extra security. You do the same for every phone you're boxing up. Then you pack the phones in styrofoam peanuts or foam or more layers of bubble wrap or something to keep them from sliding around, because the box is going to get shaken just by the typical sort process. Also, you ensure the phones aren't right next to the outside of the box. The guys loading and unloading those trucks don't get paid to gently caress each box as it's moved; they're expected to move all the boxes as fast as possible.

It's like, the shipping label says "USPS" on it. The post office will break ANYTHING not wrapped like a mummy. Sometimes even then.

But I managed to get a resolution, one that should work all right, and the only sticking point was that his bill was due. I called the financial services department a scant few minutes before they closed to get a collections hold on the damaged device fee, and they needed to talk to the guy, so I switched back to him and told him what the score was. And then he decided it was time to argue with me about how high his bill was. (See above, "four new phones" and "40 GB data plan".) After three minutes of this horseshit the person from Collections hung up (not that I blame her) but Mr. Asshat still couldn't understand why four new phones and more data meant his bill went up. "It's maybe $12 per phone," he complained. Sure! 4x$12 is forty-eight dollars which is more than half of the rise in his bill, without even considering the plan change, but he's got the collapsium-plated skull of an educated white male talking to a mere customer service rep, who has only been dealing with the ins and outs of $Major_Telecom bills for fifteen months of his life and, by now, has seen just about every last stupid thing that can possibly happen to one. So of course because Mr. Penis is talking to someone who isn't educated like him, a mere working stiff, why of course the Great Phallus can't possibly be wrong or anything.

When El Schmucko was finally satisfied that he'd wasted enough of my life--mind you this was at 5:53 PM, over twenty minutes after I was supposed to leave, and I'd been on the phone which the Cockmaster for nearly an hour--then I tried to contact Collections again, only to realize Saturday and six PM which meant Collections was closed until Monday.

I may have taken just a little too much pleasure in telling the Grand Glans. "While we were having our extended discussion about your bill," I said diplomatically, "our Collections department closed for the weekend. They're not in until Monday at 7 AM."

Wrote in the remarks: "...so you will not be getting a collections hold today."

You know, if someone is telling you why your bill has gone up, and says the same thing three times, you might just want to listen to him. Especially if it's someone who reads these damned bills all day long, someone who spent two months learning how to read and interpret them for stupid motherfuckers who can't be fucked to listen.

Yeah, just a bit aggravated, here. *sigh* It's an extension of what I call the Dirk Gently rule: "Smart people think everyone else is stupid." It's an arrogant belief, one that's typically the result of people who can usually get one over on people who are not expecting it. The problem is, as clever as you are, you can never know when someone might have just seen right the fuck through your horseshit. It happens all the damned time. See the most recent election, for one: the smartest people in the room thought they had the election all sewed up, when in fact they lost, badly.

Idiots.
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