atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#5864: Giving up

It's time I faced the facts: I am never going to work in a technical job ever again. I had my chance and blew it, in 2011; I simply did not have what it took to do the job I was basically handed on a silver platter, and failed the last chance I would ever get to use my God-given technical skills.

Thursday of last week--I think it was Thursday--I applied for every job I could find that was a reasonable match for my skill set. I have periodically sent out applications for IT jobs, PC jobs, assembly jobs, repair jobs, test jobs, anything and everything that I feel qualified for. I've tried and tried to find something which would let me do what I'm best at, which is fixing stuff or building stuff. And no one wants me for any of that, as demonstrated by the fact that I've had exactly two actual interviews since losing my job in February.

My resume is shit. Owing to my own stupidity, my work history is crap. No one wants to hire me because of what my resume says about me. Certainly I can look at something mechanical and almost immediately figure out how it works. Absolutely I can figure out why an electronic circuit isn't working correctly. I'm fantastic with computers and technology. My technique for fixing something I've never even seen before is to dive in and figure it out as I go, and most of the time I am successful at fixing it.

...and I have one job in the last decade that was technically oriented. One, and I wasn't allowed to fix anything.

So tonight I am sitting here and regretting every single career decision I have made, just about. I should have taken the job with Applied Systems in 1997 instead of moving to Iowa. Failing that, after moving here in 2004 I should have found a technical job immediately and stuck with it, regardless of commute, and moved out of the house even if it meant my parents had to be put in a home.

So I'm looking at ending up in another "customer service" position, sitting in a call center being yelled at by idiots who don't want to pay their phone/cable/what-the-fuck-ever bills, having to be nice to them and living or dying by metrics I have nearly no control over.

I should have done everything different. I can't, and now I'm just sitting here wishing God would take me home, because I can't even look myself in the mirror I'm so ashamed of myself, because I am a failure.

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