atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#613: This worries me a lot.

Well, not the first one. Bernice Gorman demands--in Ebonics--to know when I am going to join. My answer is NEVER, BERNICE! NEVER! AHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA! SUCK IT!

Then come the worrisome ones. They are obviously penis enhancement spam...aimed at women.

Wait. Anatomy. They are obviously clitoris enhancement spam.

Is that even necessary?

Stefan Childress says "immence massive schlong for Eloise". ("Immence"? Spell check?) That at least is plausibly aimed at men, men who have girlfriends or wives (or sheep?) named Eloise. But in the context of the next one, it makes me wonder. Does Eloise--whoever the hell she is--want her own "immence massive schlong"?

Is it actually an ad for sex toys? Or is it advertising legendary "Spring of Drowned Man" water from Jusenkyo? (Ranma 1/2 joke.)

Ol' Steve might as well say, "Hey, Eloise! How'd you like to be a dick girl?"

The next one is obviously aimed at women who wish to do that. Alexandra Watts tells Doris she can "grow a obvious member". I mean, damn.

Well, maybe I'm overreacting. It might just be "clitoral enhancement" merchandise: "Ladies, is your man too stupid to find 'it'? Is your love life disappointing unless you buy a lot of batteries? We've got the answer you've been looking for!"

I'm pretty certain that there are plenty of men out there who wouldn't know what to do with it even if it was "obvious". "Hey, I can see this! I'll grab it!" GLOM, right out of the box (so to speak) and if she didn't slug him, it'd be because she was temporarily paralyzed by the really unpleasant and sudden stimulus.

Dudes, you can't just go after it like you want her to do with you. That works fine for us, but women require a more delicate touch. You've got to be gentle and sneak up on it.

...I have gotten off-topic. I can't help it. I've been very lonely lately. (Not lonely enough, though, to overcome my "The last thing I want is a girlfriend!" mindset. So WTF.)

This new trend in "personal enhancement" spam is a bit disturbing to me. Penis enhancement, that I understand--many men wish it was bigger; I get that. I even understand breast enhancement, for the same reason: big breasts=sexy and small-busted women often wish they were better endowed. (At least until they're in their 40s, the things start sagging, and they realize that smaller might be better after all.)

But aiming penis enhancement spam at women? It makes no sense to me.

"Hey, is your hubby just too tiny for your taste? Buy him XXX-YYY, the most potent male potency product you can buy! Only $500 buys you one month's supply, and if you act now, we'll throw in a second month absolutely free!"

If my (hypothetical) wife came to me and said, "Start taking these," I'd laugh. When she told me, "They cost $500," I'd cry.

"I married a moron!" I would lament. "She bought extremely expensive snake oil!"

It would only be worse if she said, "What oil? Those are pills!"


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