Longer version:
Issue was that a certain function was not available at a warehouse, across all users. According to our procedures etc, if more than five users are affected it's a Severity 1. So considering that the entire "small package" area of a warehouse had an outage, I figured it was S1, and send the email declaring such.
Five minutes later I'm on another call and there are three people I don't know at my desk demanding that I tell them what's going on. I finish the call.
Guy in flannel shirt goes first: "Who's affected?"
Me: Warehouse XXX, the small parcel area, five users.
Guy, disgustedly: It's one warehouse! Five users!
Indian guy: Who did you escalate it to?
...heap big fooraw continued for a good thirty minutes. It developed that it wasn't just one warehouse, but six of them that were having the exact same problem, and my timely decision to declare an S1 saved the company at least half an hour of warehouse staff standing around with their thumbs up their asses. (Which, let me tell you, is going to be more than 30, 40 people at $20 an hour when you figure in all the costs of employing someone, and the overtime that will be needed to make up for the time lost during the outage, and....)
After that, then, it was just a constant drumbeat of call, call, call, email, call call call email email email call call call WILL YOU GIVE ME ONE FRIGGING MINUTE TO BREATHE FOR FUCK'S SAKE all the way until lunchtime at 2. After lunch it was a little easier, but not much.
I begin to suspect that despite the fact that there are 14 people showing as logged in and able to take Corporate calls, none of them actually are taking them, because I seem to be taking an epic number of calls these days.
Somehow, I survived. Mrs. Fungus wasn't hungry when I got home, so I foraged.
* * *
Today, the incredible doofus reared his ugly head again.
Basic setup: guy sends an email with a problem related to the same system that went down yesterday, ironically enough, but entirely unrelated to yesterday's outage. I created a ticket, did some research, and found a specific Knowledge Article (KA, remember me talking about them?) which explained exactly what one did when one had an issue with this system. If it was holding up an order, it went to one team; if it wasn't, it went to another team. Because I had calls coming in and bunch of other nonsense, I accidentally marked it as priority 1 (P1) rather than P2, but assigned it to the correct team.
At least, according to the KA.
Twenty minutes later it came back to me: "[this team] does not handle these issues."
Fair enough, so I put the question to the chat room, explaining everything that I just explained to you. I summarized it: This is the error, this is the KA, this is who I sent it to, this is what they said. Who do I send this to?
So the massive fucking doofus supervisor chimes in:
KA [the exact KA I cited] explains what to do.So I responded, quite reasonably I think, that I'd read the KA and followed its instructions had been told I was wrong.
If it's holding up an order, it goes [team A]
If it's not, it goes [team B]
I did not point out the BLEEDING OBVIOUS FACT that I had JUST SAID EXACTLY THAT.
His next statement was equally unhelpful, bascially doubling down on what he'd just said. So I said, a little testily, that I had read the KA and followed it.
So he sends me a Skype message. "I'm just trying to help. There's no need for you to take that tone."
I simply responded, "I'm sorry" and closed it, because what I wanted to respond with approximated this:
IF YOU WANT TO HELP ME, TRY READING WHAT I PUT IN THE CHAT FIRST BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR BIG FAT STUPID YAP, YOU USELESS FUCKING SHITSTAIN, INSTEAD OF TELLING ME TO DO WHAT I'VE ALREADY DONEAnd while you're at it, stop treating me like I'm some kind of fucking idiot.
* * *
They are all NPCs. They really are. You don't need to think for yourself when you're an NPC, after all.
* * *
antifa NPCs don't know any history so they don't seem to get that their flag is one swastika short of being a Nazi flag. For being anti-fascists, they sure seem to love looking and acting like fascists, don't they?
* * *
Take your anthropogenic global warming and eat it with a nice full bucket of dicks.
* * *
The miracle of socialized medicine means there are four million people waiting for treatment in England.
This is the system Democrats want for us.
* * *
So, YouTube is teh fu><0r3d, so I guess I'm going to play some WoW.