Mabel A. Cuevas should learn to tell me things that I don't already know! I already leave problems with penis size to losers, because I have more important things to worry about!
Lenny Z. Clements is trying to help me. The problem is, I already have enlarged my pole! It's currently 46 feet high! Too much bigger and I'm going to have to put warning lights on it! And the guy wires are already at the limit of my property. If I make the pole too much taller, I don't know how I'll keep it erect.
Also, the village wants to know why I've got a 46-foot tower on my property. I tell them it's a radio mast, but they don't seem to believe me.
What the--? You people are SICK! I'm talking about an aluminum antenna pole, here!
But the girls love my pole.
Raymond L. Nadeau! I don't want a "bigger penis" in my shorts. There's already one there and there isn't room for two! And we shouldn't be showing any penis on TV whether it's bigger or smaller, lest we incur the wrath of the FCC.
Cruz J. Lara advertises new sexual pleasure--oh, wait. Hey Cruz? There's something seriously wrong with your keyboard, dude--new sexual pleasure with a NEW bigger penis!
Hey, wait a second. One of two things has to happen for me to get a "new" penis, and neither one sounds like fun. Either the one down there has to go first--and I'm used to my old buddy!--or else another one has to sprout from somewhere; and either way, I want no part of it. No thanks, Cruz.
Mauricio is talking about my "artitude". My "artitude" on my hand! OH NOES! ZOMGWTFBBQ! I--
...you know, I have been using that "ZOMGWTFBBQ" stuff too much lately. Well, I just like the sound of it. WTF isn't enough. OMG isn't enough. ZOMGWTF isn't even enough, but if you just add BBQ to the mix, you have a winner!
I am also thinking about my reference, in #657, about Little Miss Tuffet's fantasy epic, "ZOMGDragonWizardElf!" If that's not a fantasy book title, it damn well should be!
In fact, such a novel would probably win the award that fantasy novels win.
--my hand! My freaking hand! My artitude is on it! WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO NOW???
What is "artitude" anyway?