atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,


Whatever bug bit Mrs. Fungus bit me.

I stayed home on the 26th because she ws so sick. Food poisoning or the flu, I know how incapacitating it is. And all day on the 26th I felt a bit out of sorts. The thing that really should have caught my attention was my lack of appetite, but it didn't, and so I went out to run a couple errands and grabbed Culver's on the way home--my usual for me, chicken strips for her, at her request.

Had no trouble eating the french fries, with ketchup as usual, or the burger. Nothing tasted funny or anything. But as the evening progressed I began to feel worse and worse and worse, until the old gut sounded the "warp core breach" claxon and I hit the can. It was...not too bad. Sent a text message to my boss to the effect that I seemed to have caught my wife's illness and would advise as to my condition Friday morning. I tried to keep reading and couldn't, so I finally went and laid down.

Mrs. Fungus came to bed and that was it for a little while.

Sometime between 11:30 and midnight, I woke up feeling hot and knowing I needed to hit the can again. I staggered to the bathroom, but nothing happened; my midsection started to feel really bad and I thought, I'd better stay here. Sat down on the floor as things started to get worse.

"Either throw up," I demanded, "or stop it!"

Gut decided to blow down first. Barely got onto the can in time for that eruption; and once it was done, with my pants still around my thighs, I realized that I was about to start heaving and changed positions.

The smell in the bowl was making it worse so I flushed, and then all conscious control over everything shut down. BLARGLLGLARGLLARGLARGARGLL. Caught a breath and then it went again, and a third time, before I heaved once more and stopped.

If I had had the capacity I might have been briefly alarmed at the red tinge of the emesis in the bowl, but my entire autonomic nervous system was still sorting itself out after managing the reverse peristalsis required to make me vomit. So instead, I just realized that the red tinge was red food coloring from the ketchup I'd put on my french fries.

I had to wipe my mouth and then wipe down the toilet because it had sprayed out, and I didn't want to leave a huge mess. That done I cleaned up my backside, washed my face, rinsed out my mouth, went out into the family room, sagged into my chair, and sent my boss a text message telling her that I'd just vomited and that I wouldn't be in Friday.

Went back to bed.

Around 3-ish, woke up feeling hot and sweaty again. Went to the bathroom; and after I'd cleaned up and flushed I ended up sitting on the floor again with my guts churning. After a seeming eternity of feeling like I was going to die, threw up again. At least this time I wasn't making the BLARGLARGLLARGL sound, or at least not so loud. But I had to clean up again as before.

Sat in my rocking chair and drank some water, and sucked on a candy cane to get rid of the taste in my mouth, then went back to bed. And repeated this again around 5:30 AM, but--no vomiting. I woke up feeling extremely hot, and thought, Here we go again, so I repaired to the bathroom. The output from the rear end smelled like it had been smelling, but with a minty finish, indicating that my body was not digesting or processing anything I put into it. But other than some nausea that faded away, nothing else happened; I hung my head over the toilet bowl, sweat dripping off and into the water, for a minute or two, but then I realized that it wasn't going to happen. It's like my body changed its mind. Used the toilet, sat in my chair, and after I'd cooled off again I went back to bed.

I spent a very large chunk of Friday in blissful unconsciousness. Everything hurt and I was weak and I didn't want to move, so I didn't; around 1 PM I made a couple slices of toast but only ate one and went back to bed. Sometime later--after five--I managed to get around most of a can of chicken noodle soup. With the toast, I had most of a can of diet Sprite, which settled my stomach to a miraculous extent. With the soup it was diet Mountain Dew, which didn't seem to cause any trouble.

Reverse peristalsis is not a clean and simple process for the body to undertake. When my body decided it was time to throw up, a whole bunch of autonomic processes got disrupted at the same time, which is why I got so hot and had drenching sweats and so forth.

Spent most of the rest of the evening in bed, sleeping or at least dozing, because I simply didn't have any energy.

Now, at 2 AM, I'm feeling a bit better; at least I can stand to look at a video screen again.

As for what the illness is? I'll probably never know, but if it was the flu it's not something my wife was immunized for (she gets the flu shot every year) and it was obviously communicable through casual contact since I carefully only kissed my wife on the cheek while she was sick. She reports that she didn't vomit but that might be a case of two people reacting differently.

Either way, I still don't have an appetite, and for the past eight hours or so have been having a sugar cookie or two every few hours since it appears that my body is now processing the stuff I put into it. The heck of it is, I have a hunger reflex, but 90% of the foods I think of turn my stomach.

Generally speaking I'm trying to listen to my body and do what it wants. I'm getting better, slowly.

* * *

Unless I'm mistaken, this is the first time I've vomited since 2004. I do not get this sick very often.

It also looks as if I'm going to end up just discarding the turkey. It's now been soaking in the brine since Tuesday night, and I don't think I'm going to want to eat it Saturday or Sunday. Poultry does not keep well in a refrigerator; you need either to cook it or freeze it within a couple days of bringing it home. This thing was already defrosted when I bought it, too, on the 22nd.

* * *

The only reason I'm up now is that I woke up drenched in sweat. When I went to bed I was cold, so I bundled up; fell asleep sometime after hitting the "perfect temperature" where you're just warm enough. But something changed and I woke up way too hot.

I've cooled down again, so I think it's probably time to go back to bed.

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