atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#726: It's White Wednesday!

I have only just decided that the Wednesday before Thanksgiving is the opposite of Black Friday, which must be White Wednesday. Since I have decided this, the world must now re-align itself to meet this decision. I expect results.

(WTF is up with that phrase? "I/We/They expect results." There are always results. They may not be to your liking, "failure" is a result, you know.)

Anyway, in honor of this new holiday, I'm going to reveal the secrets behind the Atomic Fungus ultra-popular news headline post!


Step One: go to news sites and look at headlines. Right-click-open-in-new-tab any that look interesting.

Step 1.5: Curse. Re-start Netscape, go back and open all the links again, avoiding the ones at Fuckers.

Step Two: finish the daily surf with looking over Atomic Fungus for comments.

Step Three: Begin a new post.

Step 3.5: Right-click-open-in-new-tab Atomic Fungus so I can remind myself what number to assign to the new post.

Step Four: < a href=" "> < /a > only without the spaces, copy-and-paste, so I don't have to type it half a dozen times.

Step Five: Read link, copy link, paste it:

...reconsider since the headline isn't really all that interesting, close the link, and go on to the next one.

Step Six:

Come up with a pithy encapsulation of the headline. (In this case, I FAIL!) The link text would end up being something like: De-icing commercial aircraft is apparently easy enough to be accomplished by morons.

But aircraft icing is a serious issue. Ice is heavy, and if it builds up on airfoils it tends to spoil the aerodynamic lift that the engineers tried so hard to maximize, so you get a double-whammy: the aircraft's weight increases dramatically just as its ability to stay in the air is being compromised. End result: crash.

In the comments for that article someone said he spent 14 days in Taiwan and could never have done that without airplanes--sure he could have. There are these things called ships which allegedly allow one to travel across the oceans....

Step Seven: double-check to make sure you're not getting too sarcastic.

Step Eight: Next link, this one about Zimbabwe. (In an expose piece, of course I'm going to have a link about the Big Z!)

Step Nine: Upload funny LOLMugabe image:

Step Ten: LMAO

Step Eleven: Comment while wiping away tears of laughter.

The seizure of formerly private companies is justified under the dubious theory that since the government of Zimbabwe (read: Robert Mugabe) owns the land and mineral rights of Zimbabwe, any company which extracts wealth from said land in fact should belong--mostly, anyway--to the government of Zimbabwe (again, read: Robert Mugabe).
Last month the Zimbabwe parliament passed a Bill to force foreign-owned companies to sell 51 per cent of their shares to black Zimbabweans. Mr Mugabe has yet to sign the Bill into law. Before the platinum company committed itself to its investment the Government signed an agreement guaranteeing that the venture would not be nationalised.
Yeah, that's good. "Ha, we fooled them!" Way to go, douchebag.

Speaking of "douchebag" what about this comment:
Gordon, would the British hand over Platinum mines (if it had any) to be run by the French or Dutch? Why is what is good for the goose not good for the gander? Wouldn't you agree that Zimbabwe is in this state of an economic maelstrom because of Britain's interference in the internal affairs of a sovereign state? There is no way a country that is not at war and has rich mineral resources can have such galloping inflation that is worse off than war-torn countries with no functioning governments e.g Somaliland; unless a hidden hand of western political manipulation is at work
Sure, you see, it's not because Mugabe is a money-hungry power-mad dictator or anything; it's all because of western political manipulation that Zimbabwe's economy is in the toilet. When Zimbabwe was Rhodesia, colony of Britain, there wasn't anything like this taking place--and considering that it stopped being "Rhodesia" sometime in the early 1980s, I fail to see how Britain can be "taking revenge" for giving up a colony.

The fact is, Mugabe is responsible for the state of affairs in Zimbabwe. It's his policies, his government, his fault. Not "western political manipulation".

Step Twelve: This article by Walter Williams ponders whether the "greatest generation" really is that, considering that they didn't pass their values along to their progeny?

He makes some good points in this article.

Step Thirteen: Contemplate adding more; decide you've done enough damage for one day.

Step Fourteen: hit "Post to atomic_fungus" button.

Step Fifteen: See HTML errors in action, curse, edit, resolve to remember to check the Preview first next time.

And that's how the magic happens!

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