atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#727: An airliner of SPAM!

Just in time for the heaviest travel week of the year!



Vonda Butts (no relation, I am sure, to Seymour) tells me I can polish my posh style! Awesome! That's what I need: someone with a surname that means ass telling me how to be posh! My life is complete!

"Hard erections killer sex", claims Rufus Pope. I don't want "killer sex". I just want the regular kind, without any dying going on. (I think Rufus needs therapy.)

Shirley Lozano wins an award for spelling, punctuation, and grammar in her interrogative, "Wanna have a hard penis?" Thanks, Shirley, but I can already have one of those whenever I want one--and a lot of times when I don't, to be honest. And I have no need for two.

Dr. William Anderson tells me that science has caught up to the dreams of men! Forget that stuff about flying or going to the moon or stuff; all men ever worry about is how big their equipment is. Once we solve that problem, the small issues like global warming and Al Pacino will just go away.

Fletcher Tillman warns me that his e-mail is only for real men! I'm guessing he's making that specification because he sends a lot of spam to female-to-male transsexuals. Well, I'm pretty sure you're only a real man if you've got a Y chromosome, so I qualify. Hooray!

mr habib kamran wants to transfer $25,000,000 into my checking account! Why, this is my lucky day! He'll let me keep some of it just for letting him use my account for a little while! Even though he doesn't know how to capitalize or use punctuation or grammar, I believe him because it sounds like such freaking awesome easy money! He must be really desperate to send this message to 50,000,000,000 internet users all over the world in hopes that someone, somewhere will heed his plea for help in his desperate situation! I'm confident that this isn't some kind of scam to get my checking account number so he can empty it and live high on the hog for a few days in whatever backwater dirt-poor country he's actually from.

The aptly-named Causing an Erection advertises a drug for erectile dysfunction. I'm sure that Ms. Erection is just as hot as her internet bio suggests. Here I thought Dolly Parton's 44DD chest was something to hear about, but apparently Ms. Erection has a 44DDD chest and wears a bra made from reinforced concrete. (Here I thought "built like a brick s***house" was just an expression.) The seismic activity of those breasts alone is enough for Ms. Erection to live up to her name! I'm in awe!

* * *

On second thought, I should have ended with the nigerain scam one.
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