Around 8 AM Wednesday morning I was having some rather strong pains in my ascending colon. They felt like cramps and/or gas pains. And although they moved, they didn't get better. I managed about an hour and a half of sleep with this going on, but by 3 PM it was obvious that I was not going to get much more sleep.
At 5 I called work and said I wouldn't make it in tonight.
Around 6:30 I fell asleep for a few more hours.
...I was going to explain what happened next, but in the interests of not being completely disgusting, I won't. Suffice it to say that I--for various reasons--now know that the pain and suffering was caused by the two Filet O' Fish sandwiches I had before work Monday night.
Considering my medical history, I'm used to having food randomly disagree with me; that's how it goes when you're 40 and have symptomatic diverticulosis and irritable bowel syndrome. Most people don't develop diverticulosis until they're in their 50s or 60s; mine started when I was 35. 60-70% of people with diverticulosis never ever have any symptoms at all. Me? Well.
It's like the great Dungeon Master in the sky rolled consecutive 1's on my CON check.
But I can deal with it, and as I said I'm pretty much used to most of the symptoms. What I am not used to is having food disagree with me painfully. A few cramps, sure; but when it feels like your colon is being roto-rooted, that's not good.
Of course, it didn't bother me when I was sitting up; no. Only when I was laying down.
Still, now I feel much better than I did. There is still some pain and some bloated crampy feelings, but at least it's not making me worry about all kinds of intestinal diseases that would probably kill me or screw me up other ways. I got my appetite back, too.
This close to Christmas, though, I hate taking another sick day, and I hate taking another sick day because of my stinkinous gut. It's frustrating and annoying, and it punches rather large holes in my paycheck, too. But what else can I do? Can I do a highly physical job like mine, feeling like my intestines have been gouged out? Not really--never mind the fact that I operate machinery on the job, too, and doing that on 2 non-consecutive hours of sleep is not a good idea.
I still don't know what I want to do about it. Considering that I've identified the reason for my pain--some kind of food poisoning--I don't think the doctor's going to be able to do much for me that I can't do for myself. What the doctor would do is order several tests, most of which would not tell me anything I don't already know, but which would probably require that I miss more work. (You can't work the same day you have a colonoscopy, for example. And I can't work the night before one, because of the regimen they put you on to clean out your gut.)
As annoying as all this is I'm going to have to hope that I can put off dealing with it until January.
And so, this is the Ed Hering Gut Malf Update: the Internet's answer to a question NOBODY ASKED!