atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#747: The Jumbo Jet of SPAM! I didn't save this stuff up for this. It just worked out that way.


Arnold Jenkins approaches every teakettle with caution since he had that embarassing incident with the funny-shaped tea leaves his brother hid in his Earl Grey.

I mention boniface james only because I think the combination of "boniface" with an ad for Viagra (er, sorry, "V|ag ra"). I think this is funny because back in the days of Ultima II, my friends and I were young enough that the town named "Port Boniface" became "Port Bonerface". And so, 22 years later, Bonerface James sends me e-mail about boner medicine. Ha! Ha! Ha.

Jovan guhlke warns me of some exotic disease.

Heriberto is proud of his "English as a Second Language" diploma. Unfortunately he apparently flunked the unit on tense agreement.

Sexual Strength writes me an e-mail to inform me that he, too, works with Sexual Stimulation. (And, I would assume, her brother, Electrical.) Those people are all in it together!

Dr. Deon Hayes, that was you. You might want to talk to your shrink about your tendency to rely on transference as a coping mechanism.

Russ Church suggests that I can look like the rich and famous: thanks, Russ.

Penis is making things too easy.

Tracie Mobley discusses her favorite diet plan.

Toce Fedducia asks for Mr. Burns' favorite anasthetic.

Exquisite Replica takes a page from Watches' playbook and tries writing an eponymous e-mail. Unfortunately we all know that "replica" actually means "this shit is fake". I mean, that watch might get you a chick or two, but as soon as word gets around that you wear a "Rollex" and an "Armony" suit, you'll be the laughing stock of the "meet market". You will lose all your street cred. Know what I mean, dog?

Keep Erection doesn't wish me to mistake what he means when he talks about erections. He's not in the construction business! He's going to make it plain and simple what he's talking about!

But I have no idea what he's trying to sell me, and so his e-mail goes--un-lamented--to the bit bucket.

* * *

The real irony of all this is how these bozos keep getting my e-mail address. You see, the way that my ISP assigns space for web sites, my e-mail address is right out there for any old bot to locate. And so I get upwards of 60 spam e-mails per week, nearly all of which are caught by my ISP's server-based spam filters. And there is nothing I can do about the address. I was getting these spam e-mails by the dozen long before I started blogging!

When I was living in Cedar Rapids, doing all my internetting via Comcast, I never got more than one or two spam e-mails per month. I was very careful with my e-mail address, and Comcast didn't assign web space based on e-mail address. (Of course, Comcast sucks, for a variety of reasons, but it was the only game in town out there.)

I have always been parsimonious with my e-mail address for just that reason. I once took my computer to work (when I worked as a PC tech in Bensenville) and someone used it to get onto AOL, and apparently visited an assload of pr0n sites; after that my AOL address was a spam-magnet. But that didn't really bother me since I get a certain grim satisfaction from dumping spam in to the bit bucket.

Well, there are worse things.

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