April 21st, 2006

"What a rage I'm in! I'll grind the whole world to powder."

--a line from a play by Checkov, but I can't remember which play.

The fact that I can quote Checkhov (but not spell his name, apparently) normally makes me feel as if I am somewhat educated. But the line itself is rarely useful, except when applied to the kind of day it's been.

This is going to be a rant with no other redeeming value. You may want just to skip it. I'm just going to be complaining about a bunch of stuff about my life. Just skip the section marked off by the ellipsis ("***") if you're not interested in my ranting.

***

OKAY

I have always been a night owl. Ever since junior high school, I have been most comfortable when I could go to sleep around 4 AM and wake up in the late morning or early afternoon. (Or the late afternoon if I had nothing pressing to attend to.)

This trait made me miserable throughout my college years, and during my life as a corporate drone, writing avionics service manuals for a major avionics corporation, the initials of which are R-C, and the headquarters of which is in my "adopted home town" of Cedar Rapids, Iowa. (I don't live there any more.)

I would wake up at 6:30 AM and have to draaaag myself out of bed. Then I would get home after 5 PM and sit in my chair and try to stay awake until bedtime. If I tried to take a nap, or go to bed early, I would wake up sometime after midnight and be unable to go back to sleep until almost 3 AM; and of course I would then wake up at 6:30 AM feeling ready for the undertaker.

If I just got up at 3 AM and didn't go back to bed, by the time 6:30 AM rolled around, I would be struggling to stay awake. So I was SOL regardless of what I did, unless I forced myself to stay awake until 10 PM and then went to bed. Of course, around 10 PM I'd get my "second wind" and be wide awake, right when I needed to go to sleep. And even if I did get to sleep at 10 or 11 PM, when I woke up at 6:30 AM, I would wake up feeling embalmed.

So fast-forward a few years. Now it's 2006, and I work at a department store, working on the overnight restocking team. (The job market for technical writers is not what it was 5 years ago.) Hey, I figured: work nights! That'll fix my problem! I'm obviously not a morning person, so why fight it?

So here I am, working nights. I get up at 8 or 8:30 PM in order to be at work by 10 PM. And guess what?

I HAVE TO DRAG MYSELF OUT OF BED AND I FEEL TIRED ALL THE DAMNED TIME

...just like I did in the daytime when I was working days. I can't win! I can't #*&$%@ win!!!

The sheer injustice of this is enough to infuriate me beyond sanity!

But as if the sleep issue isn't bad enough, my left knee was acting up, hurting, making my job harder; I finally get my damned knee back into shape and now my wrists are hurting. If it's not my wrists, it's my feet, or my shins, or both. And/or my back.

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***

okay, rant over.

I had a couple positive notes to end the day, fortunately. One of them is that I'm now eligible for health insurance, which is a good thing. The other is the kind remarks posted to my rather long posting regarding the high cost of energy--and I have to say that the latter really did a lot more to cheer me up than the former did.

Thanks, everyone. :)