October 29th, 2006

#177: Vain & Vapid

The headline on the Sunday Sun-Times for October 29, 2006:

"I must be easy on the eyes"
Tyna Robertson, Brian Urlacher's former lover--and mother of his son--tries to explain her scandal-plagued past and trysts with celebrities.


Translation: "I can't help myself. I'm just so beautiful that all these things happen. It's not my fault!"

No, you dumbass bitch from hell. It is not because you're "easy on the eyes". It is because you have no self-control. It IS your fault.

Stop acting like an adolescent and act your age. Take responsibility for your actions.

I am really getting sick and tired of celebrities in this country. Celebrities have always been stupid and self-absorbed, but the modern media culture has somehow elevated many of them to the status of "philospher/poet" and given them credibility they really don't deserve.

For example, why does anyone give a rat's ass about Barbara Streisand's political opinions? (Other than the fact that she can't spell them, or even bother to use a spell checker on them, that is.) Why do her political opinions matter more than those of Fred Beltenham from West Nowhere? Why does her fame and fortune as a singer qualify her as a political pundit? (Make no mistake about it, by the way; Barbara Streisand makes more money in a year sitting on her ass and doing nothing than most businesses make in a decade. Her daily income is many times my annual income.)

Why does anyone care at all about who Tom Cruise marries? And what's the big furor over the first public photos of their podling? I mean, is the kid some kind of mutant? (Other than having Tom Cruise for a father, that is.) Is there something unique about the kid which makes his first public photo a must-see? As far as I can tell he's a generic immature human, specification 1.0; other than his parentage I see nothing unique about him, and certainly his parents do not merit any special interest...other than the fact that one of them is a multi-millionaire movie star who--again--makes more money in a year than I'll ever see in my life.

For Christ's sake! Tom Cruise is an utter lunatic. If his dedication to Scientology isn't enough to prove that, what about the placenta-eating comment he made?

Madonna adopts an African baby, and the media is falling over itself to tell us all about it. Who gives a flying fuck? Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie spawn a podling and decide to have the birth take place in Africa--so?

Many performers seem sophisticated and smart, until they open their mouths in candid situations...and then they reveal how utterly bereft of sentience they actually are.

Rob Reiner is a mediocre actor and a fairly proficient screenwriter and director; but in 2001 he held rallies against the Bush tax cuts which showed how dumb he is. Rob Reiner is a very, very rich man; and he said that "the middle class doesn't need a tax cut". At the time I was in the "middle class", and I definitely needed a tax cut.

I wanted to buy a house, so I could stop dumping money down the "rent" hole. I didn't want or need a huge house; 3 bedrooms, maybe; a two-car garage; a decent basement. A room with a good north light for my art/computer/hobby studio. That's all I really wanted. In Cedar Rapids, at the time, such a home ran around $70,000.

I observed that Rob Reiner's car probably cost more than that. I then realized that his wardrobe probably cost more than that $70,000 house. Rob Reiner, Important Hollywood Director, could write a personal check for a house like that and scarcely notice it. Yet he had the unmitigated gall to tell me that I didn't need a tax cut!

Rosie O'Donnell makes an idiot out of herself just about every time she opens her mouth. She's anti-gun, yet she has armed bodyguards. Oh, but wait! She's an important celebrity so she needs that protection! Most of the hoi polloi don't need that, you see. Only important celebrities need personal protection against thugs. The rest of us who cannot afford personal bodyguards, we can't be trusted with weaponry; someone might get hurt. Since we're not rich and famous, though, that's fine.

Why does anyone care what Tim Robbins thinks about anything? He's washed up; his last major starring role was in 1994.

Why does Alec Baldwin even count as a star? (Why, come to think of it, do any of the Baldwins count?) What has he done lately besides act like an utter moron?

Why does the American public give a rat's ass about these people?