April 18th, 2010

#2028: THE SLUGGER!

I was thinking about THE SLUGGER! the other night while watching something on TV and in a bad mood. That's how it happens: something annoying comes on and THE SLUGGER! comes to mind.

It was some commercial for some prescription drug, and I realized that having THE SLUGGER! just hit someone isn't always enough. No; he's got to go berserk and destroy the set, too. Punch everyone, take a baseball bat to the fixtures, pick a guy up and throw him through a wall, and so on.

...and it was a short hop from there to something like Strong Bad's robot tirade: "So the THE SLUGGER! came! And he started beating the crap out of everybody! And he was like, 'You take this! That's right! You take this, everybody's gonna get some! And this stupid microscope--I hate the microscope!'" With assorted punching, smashing, and breaking sounds.

There was a commercial where everyone was invisible except the people in the Japanese SUV, and I imagined THE SLUGGER! batting a motorcycle helmet worn by an invisible biker into the next time zone. Of course, in car commercials THE SLUGGER! would beat the people up and then smash the cars.

I think it would be awesome and hilarious to see some big costumed guy appear in the middle of an otherwise placid commercial and just go berserk. The more annoying the commercial, the better it would be.

Of course THE SLUGGER! would have to be pretty tough and strong (as well as able to teleport) to manage some of the wholesale destruction. If he's just punching one guy, he doesn't need a lot of strength. Maybe some martial arts training, but he doesn't have to be a tank of a man. But if he's going for total carnage, then it becomes a lot more critical that he be able to pick adult men up and throw them, you know, and be relatively immmune to being hit by other people. Like that Nazi mechanic in Raiders of the Lost Ark, the one who gets pureed by the flying wing's propellor--he'd have to be that tough. Or tougher, even.

Then you get some moron actor who tries to stop THE SLUGGER! by breaking a board across his back, and THE SLUGGER! just turns around and pastes him one.

Given the budget I think I could make a pretty decent movie out of this idea.