atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#785: Merry F***ing Christmas.

There are several South Park Christmas-themed shows--it got its start as a "video Christmas card" that Stone and Parker sent to various people, about the boys building a snowman which came to life a la Frosty, but which was chaotic evil instead of cheerful good.

One episode was the one which featured various cast members doing Christmas carols. And my favorite of those is when Mr. Garrison sings "Merry Fucking Christmas".

I've written about this song before, last year, but I like it so much I'm talking about it again. Ha ha.

Although the chorus is, IMO, needlessly coarse--I could use a "bleeped" version of it--the overall message of the song is so strongly pro-Christian it's hard to believe it came from the general vicinity of Hollywood. Mr. Garrison sings about how he, on Christmas day, travels around the world and tells people that it's Christmas. The verses of the song specifically address Muslims, Hindus, and Shinto (Japan).

The Japan version of the chorus is the one I like the best:

"Hey there Mr. Shintoist! Merry F***ing Christmas!
"God is going to kick your ass, you infidelic pagan scum!
"In case you haven't noticed, there's festive things to do!
"So let's all rejoice for Jesus!
"Merry F***ing Christmas to you!"

And then the last two couplets of the song say:

"On Christmas Day,
"I travel 'round the world and say...
"Taoists, Buddhists, Krishnas, and all you atheists, too!"
"Merry F***ing Christmas to you!"

...and that's good. Christians need to stop being so damn self-effacing.

* * *

But the use of "f***king" as an intensifier normally means the opposite of what Mr. Garrison is singing about. When someone says "Merry F***king Christmas" it's normally an expression of disgust.

I still have hopes of having a nice, if rather low-key, Christmas this year. Last year's was tolerable even though my Dad was in the hospital, so WTF, this year's should be manageable. But I like having a lot of family around and that's not going to happen.

On Christmas Eve Mom and I will travel to Lake in the Hills, 'way the hell up north and west of here, to see my brother and his family, because my brother is on call throughout this weekend. (He's an OB-GYN up there. Babies don't respect holidays.) So we'll see them on the Eve, but we're not going to have anyone here on the day. I don't blame them at all.

One sister is remaining in Slidell, LA, because the last several months have had a crisis coefficient exceeding unity--ie more than one major work issue per day that she alone can solve--and needs some time to just sit and decompress. I don't blame her at all.

My other sister?

Well, it's not her fault; no. She's putting up with a bad situation and preparing her escape from it, but there's just not enough time to do everything that needs to be done. We were all hoping that she and her kids would be here for Christmas, but it just wasn't to be.

And when they come here, they'll be here for a while. This is the "major change to the Bunker" I alluded to in an earlier entry. My sister told us yesterday that she doesn't care about who knows about the situation, precisely because it's not her fault--it's her husband.

Her husband of 25 years, who needs to be informed that binge drinking is not an Olympic event and he need not train for it.

He wasn't always a drunk. I'm not going to go into great detail; but the latest report features him saying that he had drank a pint of vodka in about 30 minutes, and that's a level of alcohol consumption that would kill someone who didn't routinely drink far too much. Him, it made fall down and pee all over his bedroom floor.

And this is about a week after his sixth trip to Detox.

My sister, not surprisingly, has had enough of this crap. We're all urging her to get out ASAP but she's saying it's just not possible and it's going to have to wait until after the holidays. If I didn't have to work I'd be burning up the interweb trying to find cheap plane tickets to get me out there to help, but that will have to wait until after the holidays, too, because of work.

In fact, I'm not sure I really should go, because if her soon-to-be-ex pushes my buttons the wrong way, I might let him have a mouthful of knuckles. Several mouthfuls.

Look, the guy has problems, yes...but it's not an excuse. Look: after the third or fourth trip into detox maybe that should have been a fucking clue, you know, that he has a problem and needs help and--gee, maybe he shouldn't drink? Like, at all?

So my sister has, I think, made a wise decision; she's given him plenty of chances to get his shit together and he's in the process of throwing it all as far away from "together" as he can. I think she's wise just to get out of the way and let him do whatever the hell he wants to do to himself, and to get the kids away, so he can crash and burn without hurting anyone else.

Until and unless he figures out that he is the source of his problem and that only he can fix it, he's going to continue to be as drunk as his wallet lets him be. Certainly he's not going to get a job and make a living while he tries to crawl down the neck of a bottle, and unless he wants to get better, he won't, no matter how much other people try to help him. In fact, the more people try to help him, the longer it'll take for him to realize how screwed up he is.

* * *

Never ask me to counsel addicts.

Despite everything that the media and the shrinks tell us, I blame the addict for his disease. He chooses to start taking the stuff, whatever it is. If he can't wean himself off it, he should get help doing so. If major life disasters, caused by his drug of choice, aren't enough to get the message through his thick skull, nothing will. If I ever counsel addicts, that's what I'll say: "It's your fault. You chose to start; you can choose to stop. 'I can't' is another way of saying 'I won't'. I'm not here to take pity on you or to tell you everything's going to be all right, because won't be 'all right' until you decide it's time to make a change in your behavior."

Definitely never ask me to counsel addicts.

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