July 13th, 2013

#3894: There is no porn in Sugarland. (Yes, there is.)

Mrs. Fungus wanted me to sing her a song last night. My first two attempts didn't suit her ("Falling" and "The 8th Day: Mourning" by Solitude Aeternus were not what she was looking for), so I began making up a song about Sugarland.
The trees are chocolate cookies
The leaves are spun sugar
The rivers are molasses
...while singing in my imitation "Mary from Hell's Kitchen" voice.
There was actually a lot more to it than that, but since I was already fighting sleep when we went to bed, I can't really remember any of it. Hell, I'm impressed that I remembered this crap at all.

But what I do remember was when Mrs. Fungus sang, "There's no porn there!" And I immediately replied, in a gruff, deep voice, "Yes there is!"

Then I went on in the Mary voice about how the bunnies masturbate and ejaculate rainbows and flower petals:

Click for the reference.

...which led Mrs. Fungus to laugh uproariously, pummel me, and tell me I'm horrible.

We really do have some weird conversations, but at least they amuse us.

* * *

In the same vein, Mrs. Fungus asked me never to sing the "Curry Taco Song" in front of our kids:
A curry taco! A curry taco!
A curry taco for your gut!
A curry taco! A curry taco!
It's gonna shoot out of your butt!

A curry taco! A curry taco!
It's gonna cause you some distress
A curry taco! A curry taco!
The bathroom's gonna be a mess!


A curry taco! A curry taco!
Even though it's made of meat
A curry taco! A curry taco!
The reaction won't be neat!
This discussion came about when I added another verse:
A curry taco! A curry taco!
There's really nothing you can do
A curry taco! A curry taco!
It is gonna make you poo!
While we are not "expecting", we do believe it's on the dance card sometime, and Mrs. Fungus would like our hypothetical children to have a shot at having the normality their parents are, sadly, lacking.

I keep trying to tell her that our kids are already screwed, but she's the optimistic one.

* * *

The cool weather seems to be over. I had to turn on the AC this morning because it was simply too warm in our bedroom. Yesterday and Thursday I awoke in a pleasantly cool room, but today--

* * *

If life gives you no snap caps for your man-portable howitzer, make your own, like Og.

I say "howitzer" because the gun is a .500 caliber double and the rounds reportedly cost about $17 apiece. Guns seem to be like rocket engines; the cost of the expendables goes up asymptotically as a function of diameter.

That isn't as bad, though, as what you have to pay for Gyrojet ammo. Seems you can get six rounds for a mere $1,000, which is a snip at $165 per round.

Og and I were talking about that, and he theorized that he could probably make Gyrojet ammo in bulk for about $4 per round if he really wanted to. The casings would be pressed out of sheet brass. Fill the nose with lead, let it cool, add propellant, then press in the rear bulkhead which includes the primer boss and nozzles. Add primer, and you're done.

The Gyrojet gun itself is basically made of pot metal because very little of the gun has to be able to withstand mechanical loads. The trigger mechanism and the associated hardware has to be reasonably robust, but the rest of it can be whatever you have on hand. Wood would do, even for the barrel (though it would tend to...erode with use).

The fact is, Gyrojet is a neat idea but not very practical, which is why there are so few of them around. You could make ammo for the things for a tiny price, but you'd sit on your inventory for a long time. That's why no one is making it.

* * *

I don't have anything else to talk about right now. Guess this is going to have to do....

#3895: Comparing apples and oranges, again.

Because that's the only way to make nuclear power worse for birds than windmills. And even then, the anti-nuclear gits have to make shit up.

Simply put, the guy who made that asinine claim includes birds killed in the mining of uranium for nuclear power plant fuel. But that's not nuclear power generation; that's mining. And at the same time, the guy cherry-picks data to make it look like mining uranium kills a shitton of birds.

In order to make the comparison more apt, then, the guy should include the mining of materials used to build windmills. That means copper, rare-earth metals, and aluminum. How many birds die at those mines?

It's just more anti-nuclear propagandizing, and that's all it is.

#3896: NOT F-ING GUILTY!!!

The jury is in and they said Zimmerman is not guilty on all counts. NOT GUILTY.

Cue the race riots!

Of course the black community will be up in arms about this. From the beginning of the whole imbroglio the press has been fanning the flames, making this into a race issue. They've gone so far as to deliberately report misinformation about the whole case even after it was demonstrated false, because the truth of the matter didn't fit their template.

It was never about race; it was about a black kid, high on God-knows-what, freaking out and beating the shit out of a guy who was keeping an eye on him because he looked like he was up to no good. Only the other guy was armed, and shot the kid because he was fearing for his life.

The guy in charge of the police department down there got fired because he evaluated the black-letter law and Zimmerman's rights and said, "Self-defense. There's no crime here." The DA bringing the case against Zimmerman tampered with witnesses and trumped up charges, and tried a last-minute switcheroo after the defense had rested, because this case was never about determining whether Zimmerman had committed a crime but about generating a reason to limit the right to self defense.

That was the whole thrust from the get go: this was meant to generate an excuse to repeal Florida's "stand your ground" law. Only the situation had nothing to do with "stand your ground", because Martin was sitting on top of Zimmerman, bashing his head against the sidewalk, and punching him. Zimmerman could not flee, meaning "stand your ground" was irrelevant, and so the case was a simple matter of self defense.

Still, having generated all the racial fooraw, they had to ride the horse. Now that blacks all over the country were incensed by the "raciss killing of Trayvon" any dismissal of the case would result in riots, so they did everything they could even to cheating and they still could not prove even second degree murder. They couldn't even get the jury to convict on manslaughter.

So, what will happen next? Well, as happened with Rodney King, we can expect the US government to bring a civil rights lawsuit against George Zimmerman, because racism, and the feds want to make sure he is punished somehow for having the audacity to think that a black youth who was up to no good was in fact up to no good, and then to defend himself when said black youth began to beat the everloving shit out of him.

And even now, reportedly, black crowds are gathering and chanting, "No justice, no peace!" Because they don't want justice; they want revenge.

But I notice those same crowds aren't upset over the 74 shootings--twelve fatal--in Chicago last weekend, twelve of which were fatal, and most of which (it is likely) were gang-related and therefore occurred among young black men. See, unlike Trayvon Martin, those murders were ignored by the media, because it was (likely) black-on-black violence and there's no sensation there. But if you get someone who can be called "white" shooting a black guy in self-defense, because said black guy is beating the piss out of him UNPROVOKED....

Like Rodney King, this case is pure racism.

Rodney King got the crap beaten out of him by police because he was high on PCP and led the police on a merry chase. When he finally did stop, the cops were unable to get the cuffs on him, and because he was on PCP he simply could not be subdued. That is why they beat the piss out of him, and that's why the cops were found "not guilty"; Rodney King had violated the law in several ways and was resisting arrest, and it was all his fault he was in that situation.

But because the cops were white, and he was black, we were supposed to ignore his violations of the law, and exonerate him of his crimes? Were the police supposed to let him go when he resisted arrest? Would the case have been remarked on if the cops were black and Rodney King white?

In any case, the cops were tried for a variety of crimes, and found not guilty...and there were riots. And the complaint we heard--especially from white liberals--was that "Rodney King didn't get a fair trial!" Except Rodney King was not on trial. The police who arrested him were on trial, and because they were found not guilty for doing their jobs according to established police procedure, which includes using nonlethal means to subdue suspects during arrest, somehow Rodney King had been unfairly tried?

Whatever happened in Florida, the jury has ruled that George Zimmerman was not at fault. This will be intolerable for the usual suspects (Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, etc) and we are going to hear white liberals and blacks alike complain, "Trayvon Martin didn't get a fair trial!"

And there's not much I can add to that.

#3897: EMM was right, and I was wrong.

EMM is someone I was friends with. We were no longer friends after we had a falling out in 1990.

In 1995, he told Sailor V that until Sailor V started to show up to gatherings on time (ie when he said he would be there) he should not bother coming by.

I--still butthurt after the events of 1990--took Sailor V's side in the whole imbroglio, especially since Sailor V (as he always does) presented himself as the victim. EMM was a big meany-mean-head, because Sailor V had Crohn's and can't help it....

You know, not that I ever saw him try. Instead of thinking, "Okay, I want to be there by three, so I really ought to go to bed before 5 AM, and get out of bed before noon, so I can get up and have all my BS dispensed with before people start calling me and asking me where the hell I am...."

The progression of events was always the same, without variation: Sailor V would agree to meet at such-and-such time. Then the day of the event, he'd call perhaps an hour ahead, complaining that his gut kept him up really late the night before and he hadn't been able to sleep, but he was getting into the shower now and "I should be ready in about an hour." If you called him an hour later, invariably he was still in the shower; an hour after that he was usually "almost ready" but needed more time in the bathroom because of his Crohn's.

So perhaps two to three hours after the appointed time, he would finally arrive. It didn't matter what time you set, either; 1 PM meant Sailor V would arrive at 4, 4 PM meant he'd arrive at 7, 7 PM meant he might arrive by 10:00 if you didn't get fed up and tell him to stay home. It finally got to the point that I'd invite him over at 5 PM with the expectation that he wouldn't be here before 8; the last time, I actually wrote all that down and was not surprised that I'd successfully predicted the outcome. "Invited [Sailor V] to be here around 5, but he won't be here before 7:30", I wrote once the phone call was over, and in fact when the day came I was wrong--on the optimistic side!--by half an hour. Close enough, though.

WTF, you get enough examples, any dumbass can see a pattern--even me.

I mean, if Sailor V's tardiness were actually caused by a medical condition which he himself says "sometimes" is not as big a problem, then random chance alone should have resulted in him arriving on time to a gathering. But he was never on time. Not once. (Forget being early. Jesus.)

EMM, in 1995, had finally had enough of that shit. He recognized the pattern long before I did--quite literally decades before--and put a stop to it. It's really not hard to understand, particularly when you stop to consider how rude it is to be that inconsiderate for other people's time. It was never a case where Sailor V would call someone and say, "Hey, I couldn't sleep, so I'm staying home today." Oh, no. It was always, "I know I'm going to be late, but I'm still going to take my hour-long Hollywood shower and make everyone wait for me, because my gut." Instead of, you know, maybe taking the shower while he "can't sleep" anyway, and then the next day just washing his hair and such. Or if that wasn't possible, perhaps taking a normal 20-minute shower like normal people do and actually trying to hurry instead of just claiming he was hurrying. (I say "claim" because it never took any less time for him to get ready when he claimed to be hurrying as when he was taking his time.)

The final nail in the coffin came last year, when Mrs. Fungus (then Lemonzen) and I were going on what turned out to be a date, and Sailor V wanted to tag along. "We're going to be leaving here around 1 PM," I told him, "and you've told me about a thousand times that you can't get out of the house before 3 PM in any event."

"I can do it sometimes," he replied.

"Sometimes"? SOMETIMES? If he actually could have done it "sometimes" then why the hell did he tell me he couldn't? Why had he never managed to do it before--in our 20 years of active association!--if he could do it "sometimes"? Every time there had been something that needed doing--such as when he needed to go to the SS office to get a new SS card--he claimed he absolutely could not get out of the house before 3 PM. (SS office actually closes at 5, but it closes its doors at 3:30 because the bureaucrats want to leave at 5 PM and can't if there are people waiting.)

If he could do it "sometimes" then random chance alone would have led to him being on-time at least once, but it had never, ever happened. He never told me, "Hey, I slept like a rock last night and had no trouble this morning!" It seems as if he never actually manages to sleep when he knows there's something going on the next day, but rather than adjust his behavior to account for that he goes right ahead and does as he pleases.

Sailor V being able to leave the house before 3 PM "sometimes", I realized, meant "whenever there was something Sailor V really didn't want to miss". And you know what that means?

EMM was right about him, and I was wrong.

I don't actually believe that Sailor V would have been ready by 1 PM on that day, even if Mrs. Fungus (then Lemonzen) and I had decided to include him. If we'd agreed to let him come, he wouldn't have been ready before 2 PM at the earliest, and if we'd threatened to leave without him there would have been a "Can't you just...?" complaint from him.

"Can't you just...?" is his rallying cry. It makes it sound like what he's asking for isn't such a great burden, and you're being an asshole for refusing. Like about this time last year, when Mrs. Fungus and I wanted to queue for level 80 heroics in WoW. Sailor V's highest level toon was 75 and he wanted to group with us, but the dungeons were 80th level dungeons. He wanted us to group with him and help him level to 80 so we could all do it, but I was having none of that because I knew it would take FOR-F-ING-EVER. You can't, in an hour or so, add five levels at that end of the experience scale. The first time I got a toon to 80 it took me most of a day to get there from 79.

Sailor V ended up doing randoms with others...and managed 76th by the time Mrs. Fungus had to call it a night. (It ended up taking him three or four days to get his toon to 80th.) "Can't you just help me get 80th level? It won't take that long!" Yeah.

He does this kind of thing to everyone, and people let him get away with it--for a while--because he knows he can get a certain amount of sympathy from them by telling his sad tales about his gut, his mom, his brother, and his awful living conditions. Everything in his life is so terrible, and none of it is ever his fault, and that's why he can't get out of the house before 3 PM (except, apparently, "sometimes") and that's why he's never going to have any kind of life.

But people get tired of accommodating him. When you see someone do nothing but make excuses for his actions with complaints about his medical condition and his family--and doesn't try to overcome anything, simply claiming "I can't" like a lazy 7-year-old--you get sick and tired of it, and you feel as if you're being taken advantage of. For example, he was first diagnosed with Crohn's in the 1980s; it's not exactly a surprise to him that his gut is a mess--yet every time a meeting is arranged, he never, never, ever anticipates having gut trouble, nor does he ever adjust his plans or behavior to account for the possibility. It's like he's thunderstruck by it: "I was going to go to bed last night and get up at noon, but--shazam!--my gut blew up and I couldn't sleep! I can't believe it! It's like I have Crohn's or something!"

People get tired of the bullshit. EMM got tired of it in 1995, and he was right to.