atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#787: Merry Christmas

I rolled over in bed. Everything was fine. Then KABLAM my head exploded into this pounding, throbbing mass of pain.

No caffiene in 8+ hours, no food for a similar time: check.

I struck back with a trio of 200mg Ibuprofen tablets and some Vault, then got to work: defrosted about a dozen or so shrimp, and put the Pillsbury Cinnabon cinnamon rolls in the oven.

About half an hour later, the headache is now merely an "error code" rather than a semi-debilitating throbbing torture.

Why, you might ask, am I having to bake my own damn cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning? Wasn't I, you may further ask, going to go get Cinnabons, which kick all sorts of ass in the cinnamony-and-sugary-and-fatty-breakfast department?

In 2004, Cinnabon existed at Lincoln Mall in Matteson, where I had bought my Christmas Cinnabons from 1989 onward. In 2005, it had closed, so I had to find another one; and the closest still-extant Cinnabon store was at River Oaks Mall. It took a bit for me to find it, because the web site only gave an address and the stupid cow who answered the phone there didn't bother to tell me they were in the freaking mall. *sigh* But found them I did; and so in 2005 and 2006 the River Oaks location served to supply my Christmas breakfast. Fine.

Went there on the 23rd, a day early, because Mom and I had to go to my brother's place--which is, by the way, about a hundred miles away in fact--and instead of there being a pleasant cinnamon smell emanating from the Cinnabon store, there was a large expanse of drywall where the Cinnabon store had been.

Drat and blast.

Is this a result of the Atkins Conspiracy? Is that what I have to thank for this? There are too many carbs in cinnamon rolls for the carbo-phobic among us? Damn it, you don't eat cinnamon rolls when you're on a diet. You eat it to escape from your diet!

Damn it! I am forty years old! The food is the whole reason I look forward to Christmas! Because I get to eat the good stuff! Shrimp, turkey, real mashed potatoes--not potato buds--homemade noodles, spinach salad, real homemade sage dressing--not Stove Top--Cinnabons, and Baker's Square's Caramel Pecan Silk Supreme pie! Real food, the kind of food people used to eat every day.

And little by little, the Cinnabons are being moved further and further out of reach. I haven't checked their web site yet, so God knows where the nearest functioning Cinnabon store now is. I bet it's Orland Freaking Park, in Orland Freaking Square Mall. At this rate I figure that, by the time NASA gets around to sending people to the Moon again, they'll be there to run the only goddamned Cinnabon in existence! WTF!

Yesterday's trip to my brother's condo townhouse 'way up north was about as good as it could be. Traffic wasn't too bad, although there are still too many people who don't get the concept of the right lane being the slow lane. If the left lanes are blocked by slow-moving traffic, you don't get over into the right lane and tailgate the guy there. If you absolutely must tailgate someone, why don't you tailgate the guy in the left lane who isn't going any faster than the right lane? He's the one who's being a jerk; the guy in the right lane is the only person on that section of highway who's doing the right thing, moron.

One asshat nearly clipped the left rear corner of my Jeep. I was going 65 in a 55 in the right lane; he was in such a hurry he had to be going about 100. Of course there were cars spread across the road, and he ducked into the right lane because there was a gap he could get through--and he came too damn close to my rear bumper in the process.

If he'd hit me, it would have been a bad evening for everyone. Once I was sure I had all my pieces, I would have gotten out the tire iron and deprived him of some of his. There is no reason or excuse for that kind of driving.

I need to test a theory. I got a "Hot Wheels" radar gun for Christmas as a "stocking stuffer". It was $15. It actually works and it actually transmits at 10-odd gigahertz. So I need to see if it'll set off radar detectors--because if it does, I'm going to have some fun.

But we had a very nice meal at my brother's house. Roast beef. Mashed potatos, gravy, salad, noodles, broccoli, carrots, crescent rolls, droollll...

And enormous shrimp as an appetizer.

My brother and sister-in-law bought me a couple of nice presents, too. Ann Coulter's If Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd Be Republicans and--and one of the coolest toys I've ever owned.

I've talked about the Air Hog remote-controlled helicopters before. I've thought about getting one, too, because I like RC stuff and it's a lot of fun to fiddle with--but this...this was just too cool.

It's a pair of IR-controlled helicopters. And they're made for air combat: you and a friend fly 'em around the room shooting at each other--more IR--and when they get hit the controller makes a noise and the helicopter lights up. I mean, damn, that's cool!

My brother originally was going to buy it for his two sons--but then he realized that it was probably not age-appropriate. The older one could probably handle it, but the younger one probably could not.

...and then he showed me the trailer for the upcoming live-action Speed Racer movie, coming out in May. It looks like they're playing it straight rather than campy; regardless, I am going to go see that because it just looks cool. I guess the guys who did The Matrix are behind it, so hopefully it'll rule.

I have flown one of the helicopters. I suck at it, but I'm learning. The problem is mainly one of having enough room to take off and land without hitting anything, and it has to be tuned to fly correctly. I have enough trouble just establishing a hover, and the things seem prone to the problem which doomed the Osprey: you start descending and it's very hard to stop due to the way the air comes off the rotor.

So, I got me a good book to read, some interesting toys to play with, and I don't have to be at work again until 10 PM Wednesday night. Merry Christmas.

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