June 29th, 2018

#6261: Well, this is unpleasant.

Brain bleach warning.

Not entirely sure how this happened, but I've got a hemorrhoid the size of a walnut.

There's no way to sugar-coat it or say it nicely. For two days I've been cudgeling my brain to think of a nice way to put it, and I keep coming up blank.

Thursday, I noticed some discomfort after getting up. A bit painful, not too bad, maybe a shade worse than I've had before. But when I got into the shower I discovered the magnitude of the swelling on my backside and couldn't believe it.

Still, it was mainly just annoying, until I sat down to watch some TV with Mrs. Fungus. After about an hour and a half, I couldn't stand it any longer and laid on the floor, and at that point Mrs. Fungus suggested urgent care.

Urgent care was closed; we hit the ER.

At the ER, they examined it, then determined that the clot should be removed, thus relieving the pressure. There followed a mortifying, painful, and unpleasant procedure where they numbed the area (which hurt a lot), made an incision, and extracted a lot of the clot.

They then couldn't get it to stop bleeding, so they sewed up the incision rather than leaving it open to drain. Five stitches.

The ride home from the ER was excruciating. It was made marginally better by the purchase of a ring pillow. The swelling was still just as bad and the pain, too; the relief had lasted all of ten minutes.

Got home by 2:30 AM. Called the office to let them know I wouldn't be in today.

Managed to get a little sleep; called the follow-up doc the ER had suggested. Slept a bit more, called my GP, and they squeezed me in.

My doc proceeded to nick the sutures and then express more clot, which hurt. He gave me two containers of gauze and left it open to drain.

The result is that I can't sit down, I have this swelling that won't go away, and when I take a dump I need to have a sitz bath afterwards to get everything clean because of the huge bulge that's right in the exit path. Oh, and it's still oozing blood, and I can't walk normally either because it hurts too much.

Not fun.

Monday afternoon I go visit the surgeon recommended by the ER. We'll see what he thinks--but I most definitely want this thing to go away, so I'm not going to quibble about surgery if it's recommended. I can't function like this, that's for sure, and I don't want to have to deal with this kind of nonsense again if I can at all avoid it.

Brings an all-new meaning to the phrase, "what a pain in the ass".

#6262: No wonder our front windows are fogging up.

So, it's 11 PM-ish. Current outside temperature: 83°. Dewpoint: 78°.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME

The really aggravating thing is that even if the pool was set up, I couldn't use it, not with this damned walnut-sized dingleberry hanging off my butt and oozing blood. (If it wasn't for the "oozing blood" part it'd be fine. Cool water would probably feel good.)

...stepped outside to bring up the trash cans and it was like walking into a sauna.

As for me, a good long nap seems to have helped matters considerably. Thanks to the donut pillow we bought last night on our way home from the ER, I can sit at my computer now and do whatever I like with only minor discomfort. I can't sit in my rocking chair, with or without the pillow, but a chair with a less plush cushion seems okay.

We played some WoW together tonight, Mrs. Fungus and I.

I'm going to stay home Saturday, and I'm scheduled for a 4-hour day at work on Sunday; we'll see how that goes, given another day to rest and recuperate. Get a surgeon's opinion on Monday, and as I said if there's any way this thing can be excised I'm going for it. Granted that I am middle-aged, I am too young to be held back by something stupid like this.

*sigh*