I was finishing up the entry on Google Video and I picked up my can of Mountain Dew, intending to finish it off. I emptied the dregs of the can into my mouth and...ulk??
There was something between my lips, something which was not Mountain Dew.
...it took me a couple moments. Then I realized it was an ANT.
Every spring I have a bit of trouble with them. I probably could prevent that by simply removing all trace of food from the room, thoroughly cleaning it, and then setting off a few bug bombs, followed by laminating all surfaces with 4 mil PVC sheeting and welding the edges.
Instead I normally set a few ant traps and forget it. By June, usually, that's all that's needed. Not so this time, apparently.
This was your typical Big Black Ant (tm), for which I'm just as grateful. A red ant would not stand for being taken between the lips; it would start biting. Not so with the black kind. I'm sure it was just as distressed by this development as I was.
The difference, though, is that this ant did not have a mouthful of Mountain Dew.
I tried to expel the ant--just the ant--and instead did the opposite. You see, ants have prehensile feet; Mountain Dew (having an amorphous, liquid structure) does not. I expelled the entire mouthful of Mountain Dew...right into my Microsoft Natural keyboard. Despite having a deluge of caffienated sugar water spray past it, the ant did not budge, and I had to spit a couple more times before the ant was no longer clinging to my lip...which basically pumped the dregs of the Mountain Dew into the keyboard.
The ant--entirely unharmed!--proceeded to get its bearings and begin exploring the computer case for the manna it had found only moments before. I got some napkins and crushed it before mopping up the rest of the "spill".
So what's the mangled text at the bottom of the last entry? That was me bravely trying to continue my entry with a mortally wounded keyboard. The keyboard, needless to say, did not make it, and so I am typing this on one of my two venerable IBM Model 1390 keyboards--the old-style ones with the clicky keys. AND I am making about 47 typos per sentence, because I am used to the split keyboard form of the Microsoft Natural keyboard.
I first started using an MS Natural keyboard when I worked for Rockwell-Collins, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. I quickly got used to it and could see how much better it was for my wrists, so I got one for home, too. Although I learned to touch-type in high school, I more than perfected that skill with the MS Natural keyboard. When you use one for eight hours a day for three years, you get kind of set in your ways...so now, for the moment, I am having to re-re-adjust...and I don't particularly like it even though I want this IBM 1390 keyboard to be buried with me.
I mean, this keyboard is just that damn good. The feedback is perfect and they just do NOT break. Ever. Ever. I only stopped using it because I was using the MS Natural at work so much, amd adjusting to this one at home was a royal pain. This particular keyboard is old enough to get its drivers license. I've used it on every PC-compatible computer I've ever owned. And it's good that they're so durable, because they're not made any more.
Hearken ye to what I can recover from the last entry:
A Fatwa Against Ants
...the rest of it, in scholastic terms, has "perished". But I'll tell you what: tomorrow morning (okay, THIS morning) I'm going to buy a couple more boxes of ant traps....
ADDENDUM: "My keyboard is now screwed up, thanks to a goddamned ant which was on..." ...my can of pop.
I just had to read it again, I guess. :)