atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#979: It's time for THE LIST.

The List of Rules Republicans Must Follow:

1) You may never use derogatory terms to describe your opponents. (eg "liberal", "commie-lib")

2) You may never take exception to being called names yourself (eg "repugnican", "nazi"). If you don't put up with this, you are "thin-skinned" and a "crybaby" who cannot handle a "legitimate debate".

3) You must accept any and all documentation which proves a Republican is wrong or evil, no matter what the source is. (Because besides being stupid and evil, Republicans are also psychotic.)

4) If you present any evidence that a Democrat is wrong or evil, if it comes from a source that liberals do not like or agree with, it is worthless. If it does come from a source that liberals like and agree with, it's still not worth anything because obviously Karl Rove planted the story. (This rule also applies to any evidence which suggests that evidence against a Republican is faulty.)

5) If a Republican is accused of any wrongdoing at all, it proves that he is not worthy of holding office.

6) If a Democrat is accused of any wrongdoing at all, it's unfair. The charge should be completely proven before it should have any effect on the Democrat's career...and even then it's still unfair and probably the result of some vast right-wing conspiracy.

7) If a Republican mis-speaks, it's because he's a complete dolt and is unfit for public office.

8) If a Democrat mis-speaks, it's because he's a genius and has "nuanced" patterns of speaking, and you're a petty evil bastard for parsing every last word.

9) The New York Times is not biased.

10) Fox News is so biased to the right that they have no right to exist.

11) A lawsuit against Ross Perot in 1992 or 1996 was a vile, dastardly attempt to subvert the democratic process. A lawsuit against Ralph Nader in 2004 is an attempt to ensure that our democratic process is not subverted.

12) If a Democrat wins, the election was fair and just. If a Republican wins, it was the dirtiest election in history, and his position in office is not legitimate.

13) Conservative or Republican protestors outside a Democrat convention are mean and nasty people no matter how polite they are.

14) Liberal or Democrat protestors outside of a Republican convention are merely exercising their right to freedom of expression, even when they harass Republican delegates such that they require police escorts.

15) Groups such as Judicial Watch are dispicable cabals of witch-hunters when they go after Democrats.

16) Groups such as Judicial Watch are "advocacy groups" when they go after Republicans.

17) The Boy Scouts are a "hate group".

18) La Raza (which advocates Mexican rule of California and many Leftist causes) is a "civil rights activist group".

19) When Bill Clinton promised a middle-class tax cut, and then instead signed the biggest tax increase in US history during his first year in office, it was a principled reversal due to economic factors beyond his control.

20) When George H.W. Bush said "no new taxes" and then raised taxes due to economic factors beyond his control, he was lying to us.

21) If a Democrat wins an election by accruing enough Electoral College votes, regardless of whether he has more popular votes than his opponent, it's a fair election and the Electoral College is a good thing.

22) If a Republican wins an election by accruing enough Electoral College votes, especially if he has fewer popular votes than his opponent, the election was unfair and the Electoral College should be done away with.

23) Liberals get to decide what terms are derogatory and which are "accepted" terms.

24) “Anyone professing to be a pro-life Christian is disqualified from participating in any aspect of government.” —Jill Stanek

25) Any source which has a slant identified by the Left as “conservative” is illegitimate and wrong.

26) Any source which has a slant identified by the Right as “liberal” is NOT liberal, but correct and umimpeachable. (This includes such notable bastions of balanced reporting such as moveon.org and CBS News.)

27) When a liberal is accused of lying to support his cause, the charge is baseless—but even if it’s not, it’s perfectly all right because it’s necessary.

28) When a conservative is accused of lying to support his cause, he’s obviously guilty, and it’s a dastardly act of deception which shows how unfit they are for office.

29) In addition to presenting their own point of view and supporting it, conservatives must also argue and support the liberals' side. This is "fairness".

30) Liberals need only present the facts they want.

31) "Bipartisanship" means Republicans agreeing with Democrats. It never means the opposite.

32) When Democrats vote in Republican primaries, it's "the peoples' right to vote".

33) When Republicans vote in Democrat primaries, it's vote fraud.

* * *

I've been nurturing this little list for several years now. The last two rules came from the linked Limbaugh article.

...and you know this list will get bigger as time goes on.
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