atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#1078: Do not want!

...I somehow ended up on the tropes page and just learned that "do not want!" came from a bad Chinese bootleg of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith Backstroke of the West.

Damn it, I thought it was bad when "is love like the flavor of marmalade on burned toast?" became "bite out the seared tomato", but it sure didn't spawn an internet meme.

Bleah. Hitting the random button is a good way to waste time.

I should have known that "do not want!" was not just a LolCat thing.

* * *

It's 83° right now. Projected high for tomorrow? 56°. Damn.

* * *

This is the most fucked-up spam in the world. It just wins:
Dear Beloved,
Calvary greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,I am Mrs Luci Youahele, I am 51 years old; I am now a new Christian convert from Ivory Coast,suffering from long time cancer of the Lungs. My late husband died in a fatal car accident, and during the period of our marriage we had a son who was also killed in a cold blood during incident and i lost my hearing.My late husband was very
wealthy and after his death,I inherited all his business and wealth.I am willing to donate the sum of $18.5Million US Dollars to the motherlessbabyhomes,needy, poor,charity homes and widows too.
My personal doctor told me that I may not live for more than six months
Lastly,I want you to be praying for me as regards my entire life and my
health because I have come to find out since my spiritual birth lately
that wealth acquisition without Jesus Christ in one's life is
vanity upon vanity.REPLY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
Mrs. Luci Youahele.

Okay, so let me get this straight. This woman:

1) has lung cancer
2) was widowed; her husband was killed in a "fatal car accident" (by definition, I suppose?)
3) had a son who was killed "in a cold blood during incident"
4) lost her hearing
5) will die within 6 months.

I feel so very sorry for Mrs. Luci Youahele. Rather than send her e-mail to the spam bucket I will send her a reply with my bank account information so she can send me those "$18.5Million US Dollars".

Oh, wait. I won't. In fact, I'll just click "spam" and send her e-mail to the spam bucket, because I am a cold-hearted Repubican.

Take that, anus.

* * *

In the past several days I've seen all kinds of apostrophe abuse.

At the store today, on one of their checkout screens, was an advert for the local Harley-Davidson franchise, attesting to the fact that "Were worth the ride!" Yes, it is the extra-rare omission of the apostrophe FTW! one of my stories, the main character attends a shitrock concert--the infamous Pläd Fish and their "Were Dead" tour. (The main character parenthetically observes that they meant "We're Dead", but that all of the band members are illiterates.) I thought I was exaggerating, but--as is the case with much of that story--my "exaggerations" turned out to be too close to reality for humor.

And I say "shitrock" advisedly; I made the music in this story as bad as possible, and on purpose. But this was 1994, before I had learned of the existence of speed metal, black metal, and death metal. And again, I learned that my "exaggerations" weren't, that this shit actually existed and it was worse than in my story.

On the same screen I saw an advertisement which used an apostrophe, incorrectly, to pluralize a word, but whatever it said was eradicated by the oh-so-rare omission error.

"Were worth the ride", indeed. These jerks are selling $20,000 motorcycles, for the love of Pete, and they just doubled their showroom space; you'd think they could afford to have their ads proofread by someone competent.

* * *

Last night I came up with a new character. I don't know where or when I will ever use him, though.

I was watching the Saturday morning car shows. I'd forgotten that Friday night was not going to be regular programming on the SciFi network, so I ended up skipping three hours of some dumbass crap movies that SF was running; and it was right to the car shows.

The ep of Muscle Car they ran was a rerun, in which they hat the frame of their 1967 Impala powder-coated. The host of the show gets out of his truck, walks past the trailer which has the frame on it, and says, "You must be the infamous, uh Mr., the--"

And I said, in an appropriately-styled Evil Dude voice: "Yes! I am the infamous Mr. Infamous! And you're fucked, Muscle Car Man! I won't just powder-coat your frame! I will powder-coat you!" (The voice was similar to Braniac from the old Superfriends cartoon, if you must know. "I just want some pants! A decent pair of pants!")

...yeah, it was pretty stupid. But I was bored.

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