atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#159: Al Gore sez secondhand smoke causes global warming!

Wheee!

Actually he says that it is a "significant contributor" to global warming.

So besides lung cancer, emphysema, heart disease, bad breath, baldness, uncontrollable weight gain, allergies, hyperactivity, sinusitis, poor vision, asthma, impaired fertility, stupidity, low birth weight, anime addiction, habitual viewing of reality shows, the urge to drink used motor oil, George Lucas' constant changes to the Star Wars movies, and "New Coke", apparently secondhand smoke also causes global warming.

But I know how to offset the global warming caused by cigarette smoke. And it's pretty simple, too.

Make Al Gore walk to the events at which he emits this garbage. Instead of flying in a big expensive airplane which consumes gallons of kerosene per mile and emits more carbon compounds on a single flight than all the smokers in history, make him ride a bike. Instead of being driven in a huge limosine from the airport to wherever he gives these speeches, make him walk.

I realize that this position seems a bit extreme, but I'm willing to compromise. Adding Al Gore's mass to transportation available to the general public is an incremental (ecological) cost. Let him fly commercial air, and take public transportation, and he will not only eliminate his rather large carbon footprint from the environment, but it will give him an opportunity to peddle his "Inconvenient Truth" book to the masses.

Oh...wait. Al Gore is too important for that. Let all the "little people" give up things that make them happy, but his time is too important for him to give up the private jet and the limosines and the secret service detail that he rates as an ex-vice president.

This is the problem with people like Al Gore. They want everyone else to sacrifice. They want everyone else to give things up, to pay for the programs, to foot the bill, to pay the taxes, so they can keep on flying around the world on chartered aircraft.

That's the real issue, here. If Al Gore really gave a rat's ass about global warming and the environment, wouldn't he be doing something concrete, setting an example for all to see?

But why should he practice what he preaches? After all, if he gives up his luxuries, it won't make any difference. But if he can make everyone else give up their luxuries, that will make a difference, won't it? And that way he'll be so important that he still won't have to give up the private jet or the limosine!

Never mind the fact that Al Gore's family fortune came from tobacco sales. Al Gore is a hypocrite.
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