...if you delve deeper and have a look at Jalopnik's review of the car itself you learn that the transmission is, in fact, a continuously variable transmission (CVT) and not an eight-speed.
My objection to an 8-speed auto was that, WTF, if you need that many damn gears you should just specify a CVT and get it over with; this thing goes into a big luxury car and you only need a huge pile of gears if you're trying to make a weenie motor perform well. Luxury cars have big engines; four or five gears would be plenty. Maybe six. Not eight. Jesus.
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I know just how that cat feels: