atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#192: PC Christmas Carols

I love most Christmas music; I really do. But when it comes to the politically correct Christmas songs, I hate 'em. I hate every last one of 'em. When it's Christmas I want to hear happy songs about the holiday; I want to celebrate. I do not want commie-lib polemics barely disguised as "Christmas carols", because they are EMPHATICALLY NOT Christmas carols.

"Do They Know It's Christmas in Africa?" Most of 'em don't care. Africa is mostly MUSLIM and they don't acknowledge the divinity of Christ, so why should they care whether it's Christmas or not?

Technically, the song was inspired by the famine in Ethiopia in the 1980s, and Ethiopia is largely Christian. So I suppose they do know.

Ethiopian Famine

If you read the article you learn that the famine in Ethiopia in the mid-1980s (the one which gave us "We Are The World") was caused by...guess what?


The year was 1984 and Ethiopia like many other African nations had been ravaged by a civil war. One of its provinces, Eritrea, was fighting for independence.

Mengistu Haile Mariam, a Marxist dictator, ruled Ethiopia with an iron fist. The streets were filled with secret police that often dragged suspects out of their homes and into trucks, most never to be heard from again. Mengistu had also developed strong ties to the Soviet Union who bankrolled his military, The Eritrean guerrillas not only wanted their own country, but they wanted Mengistu overthrown.

Read this comment from someone who gets it. She was four years old when the song first came out, born and raised in Europe, and the hates the song. Apparently there are still intelligent europeans out there!

What does the song talk about? Take a gander at the Wikipedia article about it. Read the lyrics.

The song makes me angry because--once again!--it is hyper-rich leftists lecturing me about how I don't care enough. The people in Africa are starving so I must feel guilty for not starving!

Well, I don't need some multi-millionaire rock star to tell me to be thankful for the things I have and the way I live! I don't need some hyper-rich private-jet liberal to remind me that there are people less fortunate than I am.

"Happy Christmas (War is Over)" I have never considered John Lennon to be all that great of a musical talent. He was great when he was with the Beatles; but after they became successful he got stupidly arrogant and turned into 100% wonder-prick.

Paul McCartney managed to avoid polemics in his "Wonderful Christmas Time"; but I think that song sucks donkey balls and ought to be destroyed.

"Santa Baby" dates to 1953, originally written by Eartha Kitt. The most popular version of the song is the one sung by Madonna; and it is 100% materialist greed. The song asks Santa for:
  • A sable coat
  • A car
  • A yacht
  • A platinum mine
  • A house (a duplex, specifically)
  • An unspecified number of blank checks, but enough to fill a typical Christmas stocking
  • A set of Tiffany Christmas tree ornaments
  • A ring

It suits Madonna's personality perfectly but it is not really a Christmas song and it sure as hell sucks more donkey balls than Paul McCartney's song does.

* * *

What happened to the good Christmas music? I know there are people out there who are capable of writing good Christmas songs; each new Mannheim Steamroller Christmas album usually contains one or two original compositions which are very well-executed.

Barring that, there is a wealth of old carols which are almost never heard any more. Those are slowly coming back, as people try to find new ways to separate Christmas music buyers from their money. I'm talking about the old music, stuff from the Renaissance and Medieval periods.

Of course, the problem with that music is that one must know how to use the right instruments. I doubt that "Gagliarda" would sound very good on a synthesizer, but it sounds wonderful when played on period instruments.

Most new Christmas songs are not worth the polycarbonate they're stamped into. Any song which is performed by a rap star or group is particularly worthless, but nearly all (over 99.997%) of the new Christmas songs composed and/or performed by pop stars are just as bad.

Instead of starting from the relatively simple precepts of the birth of Christ and the traditions of Christmas, most modern Christmas songs deal with these themes:

1) getting STUFF
2) getting SEX
3) getting INTOXICATED

I don't think I've heard a Christmas song composed after 1950 which actually mentions the "reason for the season", either. For those of you who are incapable of sentient thought, "the reason for the season" is the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I'm not going to go on a hyper-religious rant about it, but everything we do during the Christmas season--the parties, exchanging gifts, decorating our houses, etc, etc--are part of the celebration of the birth of Christ.

YES I know that Jesus was actually born in the springtime; I know the Catholic Church co-opted the pagan winter solstice festival. I don't care. The point is, this is when we celebrate the birth of Jesus. Kind of like the way we always "observe" certain government holidays on Mondays so that the government employees are guaranteed to get that day off, we celebrate the birth of Jesus around the time of the winter solstice. (We could celebrate Christ's birth in spring, but it would conflict with Easter.)

The traditions of Western Civilization are not evil or wrong, damn it, and I'm tired of people acting like they are.

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