atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#2009: Donorcycle moron

For a variety of reasons I hit McDonald's for dinner tonight. On the way home, I was confronted with Yet Another Example of testosterone-fueled idiocy.

I was in a 30 zone, driving five over the speed limit. Idiot on motorcycle zooms up to my rear bumper and hangs just off the left side of the car, intending to shine his headlight (adjusted for maximum brightness, naturally) into my left mirror.

The point? I was only going 35 in a 30 zone and he was in a hurry. (I've seen this behavior before; I could have been going 45 and he would have done the same thing.)

I habitually turn my outside mirror down at night, because I don't like having bright lights beamed directly into my eyes. I don't like the distraction. Seeing this, the moron slewed over so he was directly behind me. Despite having the rearview on its night setting, the git's headlight was too bright, so I adjusted the mirror to get the light out of my eyes. He moved farther over. I adjusted it again and let the car's speed bleed off to 30.

Finally the dickhead roared around me. (In a no passing zone.) No helmet. Cloth jacket. Blue jeans.

You know, what, asshat? I am neither intimidated nor impressed--not by you, your riding style, or your $10,000 penis extension. The only thing you managed to do with your stupidity was to self-identify as a huge douchebag with enough money to buy a Harley; and if you keep taking foolish and unnecessary risks like the ones I saw you take tonight, sooner or later you're going to end up in the hospital.

No helmet: do I need to elaborate what's wrong with this?

Cloth jacket: fall off that bike at any decent speed and you're going to wish you'd worn leather. Unless you like getting skin grafts.

Blue jeans: if you're wearing a leather jacket and helmet you can probably get away with this. But if you're wearing a thin cloth jacket and no helmet?

Tailgating: okay, a motorcycle can stop faster than a car. But what if your attention is away from that car's brake lights at a critical moment? The first sign you may have that the car is slowing down just might be your front wheel contacting his rear bumper.

One of two things then happens: either you fall down and slide, or you and your bike abruptly part company. In the latter case, you might even break the car's rear window. With your face. Meaning you're going to become intimately familiar with the medical procedures dealing with multiple facial fractures even if you do somehow avoid breaking your fool neck.

Either way, you're both at fault and at the hospital.

You know, you're out for a ride on a nice spring night because it's a nice spring night; why don't you relax and enjoy it?

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