atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#2277: Is old Fidel feeling the chill touch of mortality?

He's telling Ahmadinejad to learn some history and stop denying that the Holocaust took place.

Well, Castro was around when that was going on; not so with "I'm-in-a-jihad". But Communists have historically been just as hostile to Jews as Nazis and muslims, so it's a hell of a departure from the norm for Castro to be saying something like this...which is what makes me think the guy's realizing that he's becoming old and frail. Sooner or later everyone comes to Jesus, after all.

Same as with this admission that communism doesn't work. He doesn't say "communism" but "the Cuban model", but come on: communism is communism, regardless of who tries it.

* * *

140 MPH train wobbles at speed. Engineers' answer: shock absorbers.

* * *

Obama's foreign policy is encouraging the race for nuclear weapons in countries we don't want to have nuclear weapons.

Thanks, Democrats! Thanks, Obama! Your policies of weakness and disarmament have worked about as well as they always work!

* * *

From now on, all incandescent bulbs will be made in China. 200 more jobs lost because of a stupid environmental law which won't do anything useful anyway.

* * *

Ann Coulter is anti-burning-koran but I'll forgive her because of the reason she gives: "'s Muslims who mean us no harm."

That's a good reason; but not good enough for me. One of the major problems I have with islam is that even the ones who "mean us no harm" refuse to denounce the savagery perpetrated by the others who do mean us harm.

* * *

Yesterday I had a marvelous experience with anxiety!

See, back when I first started taking Paxil and Xanax, it was because I--one fine Sunday morning when I was off work and could sleep in--thought I was having a heart attack.

I've talked before about how sometimes I would feel short of breath, something that's happened since I was a teenager: I'd feel like I couldn't quite get enough air, and I'd yawn, and that would almost help. That was a mild anxiety attack, I learned much later.

This fine Sunday in 2003 I started having that symptom, which I hadn't had for years; and then I started sweating, and I noticed that my heart had skipped a beat. There was no pain; but the more I concentrated on my heart, the worse things got. My heart rate increased and it seemed to be skipping beats, and I lay there in bed thinking, Do I need to call an ambulance? WTF, I'm 36! I walk five miles a day! (I was working at the nursing home at the time.)

Eventually I calmed down, but the next day I visited the doctor. She did an EKG and found nothing wrong with me whatsoever; and recommended Paxil. I refused, not liking the idea of solving emotional problems with drugs; but by the time I got home I'd reconsidered and asked her to go ahead and prescribe it so we could see if that helped.

O did it help. I took one dose and slept for 16 hours; and after that everything just got better. Mind you, life was still life, but I found myself relaxing a lot more and not being driven nuts by every little frustration. Best of all, I felt calm for the first time in a very long time.

The Paxil was for everyday; the Xanax was for when I had a panic attack in spite of the Paxil. For the most part I rarely need it and end up using it as a sleep aid. But when I need it--whew.

Like yesterday.

Yesterday, I was sitting here and writing the old Fungus, and I started having chest pain and felt some pressure. There was absolutely nothing else going on; it didn't radiate, I wasn't sweating, there was no shortness of breath, and none of the other symptoms of a heart attack. I had a small glass of water and the symptoms went away, but came back; finally I took a Xanax.

Ten minutes--bam. Gone.

Twenty minutes: me, asleep.

"If you think you're having a heart attack, you should call an ambulance!" That's just it; I didn't think I was. I'd been there before, though not in that exact fashion; the entire reason I'm on anxiety medication is because sometimes my panic attacks come in the form of a sudden and unwarranted fear that I'm having a heart attack; the only way I can falsify it is by checking the symptoms against the symptoms of a heart attack. I would hate to call an ambulance, get to the hospital, and have them tell me, "You're completely fine! Here's some Xanax!"

In 2003 I had all kinds of expensive tests to rule out anything wrong with my heart; and despite going as far as doing a cardial perfusion scan the doctors could find absolutely nothing wrong with me. The cardiologist finally told me that although my heart was occasionally skipping a beat, it didn't raise my risk of a heart attack and the only thing that was medically justifiable was to give me beta blockers, if I felt like I needed them.

Point is, I'm healthy. Except for the anxiety.

* * *

...then I find out that sometimes a heart attack acts like a panic attack. I can't win. But I'd wager that I'd know the difference, at least by now.

* * *

Anyway, point is, I slept a lot yesterday. I got up at 2 and would probably have stayed awake if I hadn't needed the Xanax; and after going to bed around 4-ish I slept until after 10 PM. And went back to bed around 1:30 because Xanax knocks me on my ass and I was still tired.

...woke up at 6-ish, made breakfast; now I feel like doing something useful. Or at least something that isn't sleep.

* * *

Having seen eps 19-20 of To Aru Majutsu no Index (the "Last Order" arc) I have to say that I like what they did there.

They made Accelerator into a sympathetic character, and they did it quite adroitly. In the "Sisters" arc he was the bad guy, casually murdering 10,000 Misaka clones; but these two eps show him having some kind of conscience and quite obviously in search of some kind of redemption for what he did. Knowing that, it'll be interesting when I re-watch this series and get to the "Sisters" arc.

Steven Den Beste says this stuff comes from a series of light novels. I'd like to read those.

* * *

I'm not having a lot of luck reading Toradora!, though. Problem: Taiga is a tsundere, and the tsundere schtick always annoys me. I keep thinking, "Damn, Taiga's a bitch. Why does Ryuji put up with her shit like that?"

The other problem comes from the way the Libre deals with embedded images. The guys who translated these books apparently never heard of Zapf Dingbats (or Webdings) and embedded images of a heart shape where the original text had them, so the PDF renderer shows the thing in native resolution. When this happens, the text is impossibly tiny, and I have to turn off reflow in order to read it. Then, when I'm done, turn reflow back on.

(The Japanese like to embed heart shapes in their text when they're trying to show girls acting extra-cute, like it's a punctuation mark or something. No, I don't know why.)

If the translators really wanted to include the heart shape, all they had to do was to switch fonts and add in the heart character from Webdings or Zapf Dingbats (depending on platform, Win or Mac) and none of this would be a problem. Or they could have just did the "<3" thing and that would have been fine, too.


Still, I keep coming back to it, and I keep remembering things from the anime. I don't know if the anime series tells the whole story of all 10 volumes of the light novels, or what, and I WANT TO FIND OUT BY READING SO DON'T TELL ME.

* * *

Man, it was cool yesterday and last night. I like it.

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