atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#2374: "Oh, Ed, don't soil yourself!"

In the mail yesterday came--for me--a political ad. (I know, "stop the presses!" etc--politicians trying to get my vote with an election a scant week away. I know.)

It was a folded pamphlet, glossy paper, etc--expensive--and it had a picture of Mark Kirk on it, and big red letters saying that Mark Kirk was not a "real conservative" for this and that reason.

I looked at the thing and--sure enough--it was from Alexei Ginnoulias.

I read the blurb on the outside to Mom, then read the bit on the inside saying how Alexei G. was going to "stand up to Wall Street", and said disgustedly, "Like I'm going to listen to a Democrat telling me what a 'real conservative' looks like?"

Then I tore the thing up and mimed wiping my ass with it.

Mom: "Oh, Ed, don't soil yourself! Even if it was toilet paper--don't soil yourself!"


Of course the ad is meant either to encourage me to stay home, or to vote for someone else; I don't think the Democrats actually think that would convince me to vote for Ginnouliar*.

Thing is, I already know Mark Kirk is not a hard conservative. Unfortunately I found out his RINO tendencies after the primary; I voted for his sorry ass in them. Only then did I learn the asshat supports Cap-and-Tax.

But, even so, Mark Kirk is preferable to Alexi Gennouliar*, who's nothing more than a stereotypical tax-and-spend-and-tax-and-tax liberal Democrat. So I'll be voting for Kirk even though he's not a conservative; the last thing I'm going to do is let a stinking Democrat tell me how to vote.

I'm saying this to the Democrats right now: do not waste your money on sending me your spam, because if I even read it it'll only be so I can write a really sarcastic blog post about it.

* HELL YES I MEANT TO SPELL IT THAT WAY. The man's a Democrat; what more do I need to say?

* * *

I'm going to vote Republican this election, like I always do. But depending on how the GOP acts in the next two years, it may be the last time.

If I see anything coming out of the GOP that looks like 2000-2006, I'm done with the GOP. I mean it. No more "Democrat Lite" bullshit, guys, because I won't stand for it. I'll switch parties and start voting libertarian before I enable that kind of happy horseshit from you buttplugs. This is your last chance to demonstrate to me that you guys actually have something approximating a spine and a brain.

I am not expecting miracles. But:

If you "reach across the aisle" to Obama, I'm quitting the party.

If you don't start trying to roll back Obama's failed schemes, I'm done.

If you don't filibuster or vote down Obama's radical appointees, it's over.

If you increase spending, you lose.

If you raise taxes--in any way, for any reason--I'm going libertarian.

If your worries about what the press thinks of you lead you to abandon conservatism, I'm abandoning you.

The nonsense we got from the GOP during the Bush years will not fly. There had better not be any record-breaking spending increases to any federal line-item, much less the kind of "compassionate conservative" crap we got thanks to Bush et al ("No Child Left Behind" etc). Fuck that noise.

I'm not kidding. I'm not exaggerating. If you screw this up, I won't be back in 2012.

And even assuming you surpass all my expectations and actually manage not to fuck this up--I am not holding my breath--if you give me some squishy "Democrat Lite" asshat for President in 2012 (like John McCain) I won't be voting for him. And I'm putting you on notice right the fuck now: Ron Paul, Mike Huckabee, and Mitt Romney are non-starters. Don't even bother putting them up, because I'll vote for someone else. But that assumes that you actually manage to govern like conservatives and not squishy "Democrat Lite" assholes; and I don't think you'll manage that.

Hell no I don't have any confidence in the GOP. Why would I? The last time there was real conservatism in Washington, D.C. was 1995, and it didn't last very long: eighteen months, tops, until Bill Clinton stared the GOP down over a government shutdown. The press said nasty things, the GOP wet its pants, and after that, it was "Democrat Lite" all the way to the shitpot we're in now.

We don't need another Democrat party, even a watered-down one; the one we already have is more than enough. What we need is opposition to the Democrat party; and if the GOP doesn't provide that, I'm not going to support it. I'm going to find someone who does.

* * *

"Ron Paul": When Ron Paul withdrew from the Republican race for President in 2008, he endorsed anyone but Obama and McCain:
On June 12 [2008], Paul withdrew from the race. He did not endorse John McCain as the presumptive nominee for President, Paul eventually went on to endorse several third party candidates in the general election, including Chuck Baldwin of the Constitution Party, Cynthia McKinney of the Green Party, Bob Barr of the Libertarian Party, and Ralph Nader, who ran as an independent.
The asshat endorsed Cynthia McKinney and Ralph Fucking Nader.

Fuck no I won't vote for Ron Paul. Ever.

* * *

Fortunately, I know I'm not alone. There are a whole bunch of people out there who feel the way I do, and who will flock to a third party if the GOP is bound and determined to be "Democrat Lite". And so the GOP will wither on the vine, turning into another historical footnote like the Whig party.

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