atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,

#2409: You see, THIS is why I don't room with Batman.

It's really a good thing I set the VCR to record Smallville, because I just finished sleeping for about 11 hours.

(Actually, I just got back from McDonald's for a post-coma hamburger, but you get the idea.)

Around 8:30 I woke up, then slipped into a twilight state without noticing it; and in this somnolent haze I dreamed there was a young rodent--I think it was a skunk pup--on my bed. Hollering in shock, I teleported to the door, and after fumbling the light on I stood there and stared at the bed with my mouth hanging open in mute incomprehension: what was that? Was it real? I think it was a dream.

Then I sat on the bed and thought about it some more, trying to decide if I was now irretrievably awake; finally I decided I was too tired to think about this and went back to sleep.

So around 2-ish I began having a complicated dream that I shared an apartment in Gotham City with Batman. No, I wasn't Robin; I was just Batman's roommate. This was shortly after his (our?) college days, you see, and he was still getting used to having the entirety of the Wayne fortune under his control; he had kept leasing the apartment but had moved to Wayne Manor.

Batman was played by Robert Downey Jr. For some reason I knew he was Batman.

After a bunch of unrelated stuff, I came home from somewhere to find a group of Mexican gang members in the apartment, waiting for Batman, who wasn't home. I drew my magic Hollywood pistol which never required reloading and shot them all, but they didn't die and pulled out their own guns. "Crap!" I thought. "They're vampires!" I sprinted for and dove into the armor-lined laundry room, and listened to the bullets ricochet off the steel plating, until their leader checked to see if I was alive. Naturally my magic gun was now out of bullets, so I couldn't just shoot him; and anyway he was a vampire.

His thugs rapidly captured me, and he was showing me a razor knife and saying, "When they find your body, this is going to be embedded in it." He started making a cut, at which point I realized I didn't have to put up with this, turned my head away, and said, "No! I refuse this!"

...and woke up.

Damn it, Batman! Don't be out when the gang of Mexican vampires shows up to kill you! That's at least as bad as leaving an empty roll of toilet paper in the dispenser!

* * *

On the plus side, I think he started paying all the rent after he got super-rich.

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