Don't know how many times I've done the exact same thing; you'd think that--by now--I'd recognize WTF is going on: "Crap, I'm depressed. Go to bed, dude; you're exhausted." *sigh*
The important thing is, I feel a damn sight better than I did this morning. I feel better than I have since Friday, in fact. Well, blabbing about that stuff here is cathartic; and anyway I think I was overdue for delivering my quota of "drama and angst" as required by the LJ terms of service.
I mean, nothing is different than it was this morning--I still face exactly the same problems I did, and nothing's been solved--but I've got my energy back and the issues don't seem as daunting as they did 11 hours ago.
I'd managed to find 3 job leads on Monster.com. Just now I pared the job leads down to 2, though, because I realized that I wasn't qualified for one of them. Well, one lead is for Manpower; sending a resume to a temp agency is like firing a shotgun into a cloud of geese: if you don't hit the bird you're aiming at, you'll hit something, anyway.
My primary criteria are:
1) Not too much physical labor (ie less physical than my job at Target was)
2) Not less than $10 an hour (if at all possible, but whatever.)
My situation being what it is, it's likely that once the bunker is sold I'll move south to Louisiana. My oldest sister told me that--worst case--I could always go to work for her, as she desperately needs lab technicians who have brains; it's also helpful if their brains are reliably connected to their hands.
I'm not making any plans yet, though; I just need something to pay the bills while I'm still living here.
...having been at Target, though, I'd wager I could work as a truck loader at UPS and surprise the fuck out of all those young guys doing the job--but why? I have a brain and an education; I should at least try to get a job that uses my brain more than my muscles.
I'm thinking again about finding a job like being the inside "Geek Squad" guy at Best Buy. Hardware upgrades, installing software, etc--it's all stuff I can do, and while the pay wouldn't be outstanding it'd be pretty easy work. I figure I need a take-home income of around $200 per week to pay my bills and put food on the table; but I won't be paying rent while I live here and 75% of the utility bills will be paid by my siblings, as we're going to split the bills four ways.
We might end up splitting them three ways, depending on how cooperative my crazy sister feels. There's no way to tell in advance how reasonable she's willing to be. In any case, $200 per week will suffice; I won't be eating filet mignon nor will I be buying a Ferrari, but I won't starve and I won't be living in a cardboard box. My car insurance and probably the Internet connection will be all my responsibility, of course--and I'll probably end up getting rid of the satellite box--but I can live with that, too. (All this is a damn sight better than what I expected before all this, which was that I'd have to foot the entire bill for all the utilities. But my oldest sister says that we should split them, as it's a necessary expense for maintaining our property in ready-to-sell condition.)
Whatever the case, everything is not exactly bleak--and in the absolute worst case, I have money to live on. I don't want to touch it--it's my inheritance, in IRA form, so it costs me 10% to use any of it, and I want to use it as the down payment on a house--but if I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER OPTIONS it's there. I can live on that; but just thinking about that makes me cringe, because one of the few lessons Dad managed to pound into my head is NEVER, NEVER, EVER SPEND YOUR PRINCIPAL. Particularly not on consumables! Jesus!
The only time it's permissible to spend your principal is when you're investing it; well, buying property is never a bad investment in the long term. (It just comes down to how long a term you find acceptable. Whoever buys property in Detroit right now will make a killing...someday. It might not be until 2200, but it'll happen.)
You certainly do not spend principal on something which will depreciate, like a car. There was this guy going to my college who bought a freakin' Lotus Esprit with his inheritance, and good God did that give me the jibblies just thinking about it. $40,000, pissed away on a freakin' car--and one with Lucas electrics to boot. (At a time when you could buy a fully-loaded Mustang GT for about $20,000 if you didn't dicker.)
(That guy stopped attending school after about a year or so. No idea what happened to him; I don't know if he graduated, or just stopped going. I only just now noticed/recalled that the guy's Lotus stopped appearing in the parking lot about halfway through 1991.)
Anyway: there are worse problems in the world than mine, and for that I am grateful. It's just that sometimes I lose perspective. Sleep fixes that; and that was the case today. So I guess I'd better get after the dishes, and take out the trash, and--