atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#2598: Dang I slept a lot today.

...Ten hours.

It's not really that surprising, considering how crappily I've been sleeping this past week. It also doesn't hurt that the phone didn't ring, the cats left me alone, and no idiots drove through the neighborhood with their stereos on "typhoon".

I'd probably still be in bed now if my stomach hadn't been empty. Not feeling like cooking, I got up, fed the cats, and hit McDonald's for a bacon mofo. Screw it.

Now, the standard configuration for the bacon mofo is bacon, cheese, pickle, onion, ketchup, mustard. I order it without the condiments because it doesn't need them; and in fact I take the pickle and onion off, too, because for some stupid reason McDonald's uses purple onions on their premium sandwiches. Purple onions are pungent. I'll put a thick slab of Vidalia onion onto a hamburger because they're a bit sweeter, but the equivalent amount of purple onion is too damn much onion.

But try to get a fast-food order correct when you want bacon, cheese, and that's it.

"Just say 'bacon and cheese only,'" you said?

Look: I just ordered a bacon mofo my usual way. It didn't have ketchup or mustard on it; but it did have--for reasons that defy my intellect!--tomato.

WTF.

This is why I don't try to make my order too complicated. It's not because the people are stupid that this kind of thing happens; it's because McDonald's is all about speed, speed, speed, and the faster you go the more mistakes get made.

* * *

You want to talk stupid? There was this one guy at the downtown Cedar Rapids Taco Bell. Their tacos cost $0.79 apiece but they had a 12-pack deal, where the per-taco cost was lower. Me and a friend thought about splitting a 12-pack of tacos, but it wasn't on the menu board, so I asked the guy what the 12-pack cost.

"Uh...$12.79?" He said.

Do I have to point out that that's $1.07 per taco?

*sigh*

Needless to say, we didn't order that.

* * *

THAT BITCH! HOW DARE SHE ONLY DRIVE THE SPEED LIMIT??!!!?!!?!1

I think this woman was totally justified in using a stun gun on a pregnant woman who had the UNMITIGATED GALL!!!!!!!!1 to DRIVE TOO GODDAMNED SLOW AND ONLY GO 35 IN A 35 ZONE!!!!!!12111A SHE'S LUCKY SHE WASN'T PULLED OUT OF HER CAR AND STONED BY AN ANGRY MOB!!!121111!11``1`1

9_9

* * *

Anyway, having slept like an old-growth forest all day, I feel pretty good now.
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