atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#2608: WHAT HATH GOD WROUGHT

...actually I'm pretty sure God had nothing to do with it. This was more infernal than anything else: a perversion of something--that had once been good--into a putrefied mess, thick with the corruption of evil.

I speak of the pot roast I made lo these three weeks past. (Actually, Feb 20th.) It sat, entombed within its stainless steel sarcophagus, awaiting the day it might escape its frigid tomb and inflict its misama of dread upon the waking world!

As it was garbage night, I ventured to the refrigerator to clean out old food, and had already disposed of the rotten Ghost of General Tao; turning my attention to the circular sarcophagus I bravely wrenched off the aluminum lid and exposed to the world that which had remained hidden for so long. Woe! The stuff within the ancient coffin had turned, as I had expected, into something not of this Earth!

Arming myself with the same faithful serving spoon which had already dispatched the ruined remains of General Tao, I sallied forth to do battle with the monstrosity. My first blow dislodged a potatop from the unholy mass; though strings of slime tried to reclaim this vital organ, it was deposited atop the fetid corpse of General Tao. My next blow--and it was a mighty one!--excised another potato, and the slime clung with greed to it as it had with the other; but it, too, joined General Tao.

The meat! Ah, sad reminder of mortality, this once-proud piece of rump roast was now completely inedible; and when I made to remove it from the body of the thing, oh, how the tendrils did entwine it! Though I feared for my sanity, I continued to elevate this vital corpuscle above the remainder of the stuff, watching as the tentacles lost their grasp, one by one, and slumped back into the morasse.

Judging that the beast was now sorely weakened, I completed the vivisection by excising one more carrot and some onion; then I bore the sarcophagus to the toilet and emptied it there, to send whatever was left of the creature back to the bowels of the earth.

I debated cleansing the sarcophagus with a solution of the hypochlorite of sodium, but decided that a strong detergent with hot water would suffice.

This day, I have vanquished one of the greatest horrors of my career.

* * *

Yeah: pot roast in broth doesn't keep all that well. The broth had mold floating in it, and it had turned into some kind of slime mold to boot. It was pretty disgusting, though it didn't actually smell bad or anything. Hell, it didn't need to smell bad, because the gooey sticky slimy muckiness of the stuff was more than enough to turn my stomach.

I really have to do a better job of getting rid of old leftovers before they mutate like this. Damn.
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