I hate cooking for one person, I'm tired of my own cooking, and I can't think of anything I want to make anyway. So I thought, "What haven't I had in a while?"
...didn't really want gyros; the idea of eating them nauseated me. It's just that they nauseated me less than anything else I could get that I don't have to cook. McDonald's? BK? KFC? Taco Bell? Pizza Hut? Little Caeser's? Bleah.
To make matters worse, my blood glucose dropped enough to make me frickin' insane; when it drops low just the right way the only symptom of hypoglycemia I get is a complete lack of tolerance for frustration. Something that would ordinarily either make me sigh in resignation or crack a dumb joke instead infuriates me--like dropping the cup of tetziki sauce (or how the fuck ever you spell that word) after I'd dumped most of it on the pita, as I was trying to throw the mostly-empty thing away. It left a little streak of sauce on the floor, and I was yelling, "Of course it has to make a fucking mess! There's nothing like taking a one-step process and turning it into a five-step chore!" while wiping the mess up. No tolerance for frustration and a complete lack of perspective; it's always the higher-order functions that shut down first.
Of course, sitting here now--having just finished a gyro and nibbling on french fries--I feel enormously better.
* * *
I was going to rant further on how much it sucks to not be able to go out for dinner because I feel like a moron and/or a loser going out alone--but now I'm full and I no longer have the empty hypoglycemic rage to drive the rant. All I feel like doing now is having a bowl of ice cream and playing WoW.
* * *
On the 20th the church is having a block party that I think I'll attend. It might be fun; it might just be me going there and sitting at a table by myself and--
Well, I don't have to stay for the whole thing, I suppose.
* * *
Yesterday, when I started cutting the grass, I--as usual--had the MP3 player on me, earbuds in; after I got the tractor going I pressed "play". Whenever I used it last (which was probably the last time I cut the grass) it had stopped on the Kimi ni Todoke OST; and so there I was on a gorgeous summer morning with "Aozora" ("Blue Sky") playing:
I think I've listened to it about half a dozen times since then. It just hit me right. The feeling of that song is, essentially, the way the entire first series feels--just like that.
That, and "Pure White Story":
The catchphrase for the series is, "Can love trump a cursed life?" Sometimes I feel like that question applies better to my situation than the manga, because Sawako's life sure as shootin' ain't cursed--not when she's captured the eyes and the heart of the guy she's fallen in love with. Sawako is, in fact, happy even before she meets Kazehaya; it's just that she's happier afterwards. WTF.
Well, there isn't a hell of a lot I can do about anything right now other than complain, and no one listens anyway, so why bother?
* * *
Holy crap there is a lot of Oh! My Goddess! out there! 272 freakin' chapters and they're not done.
* * *
Man, what a waste of time this is. I can't think of anything decent to write about and if I force it I'll only end up depressing myself. I'm gonna play WoW now.