atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#2908: Okay, I'm legal

...and it is too fucking hot outside to put on jeans and a jacket and a helmet and go riding, so I'm going to wait a few more hours before I try out my brand spankin' new "M" classification.

Wait until the temperature is in the eighties rather than the nineties.

WTF, I waited three weeks.

* * *

What did the President know, and when did he know it? The Obama White House is presiding over quite the scandal with the BATF's "Fast and Furious" program of FAIL.

...recall that during the Nixon Presidency, the entire Watergate thing didn't blow up into a national story until after he was reelected. Obama might find himself escaping impeachment only by being so f-ing incompetent that he fails of reelection.

* * *

The Zero-in-Chief! I can't believe how many nicknames I've got for Obama. It's awesome.

Liberals paved the way for me, though, I must admit--by giving George W. Bush so many nicknames (like "Chimpy McBushitler" and such). They broke the ice; I cannot lie.

* * *

Zero job growth in August. Okay? Even with all the government fudging and estimating--even with that--they can't report anything better than zero.

Is that going to be the motto for the Obama reelection campaign? "Hey, you might not be better off than you were four years ago, but you're not worse! Zero is okay!"

*sigh*

Dow-Jones disagrees. By 9:32 this morning it had dropped over 200 points--another one of those "cliffs" in the curve--and it closed 224 points down.

So we're up perhaps 35 points over last week. And down 600 over a month ago.

* * *

I was thinking about Lucas adding Darth Vader screaming NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! to the climactic scene of Return of the Jedi today, while readying myself for my trip to the DMV.

Okay, first off, his usual excuse for adding shit is, "This is true to my original vision of what the film should be!" It doesn't work this time, because it's not a special effect to have James Earl Jones say "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" into a microphone in post-production, you know? The guy's already dubbing all the dialogue for Darth Vader; it's an incremental cost at most to have him utter one more drawn-out syllable. If Lucas' "original vision" had contained that line, it would have been in the damn movie in the first place.

So you know that the little switch in Lucas' brain that controls "parallel construction" got tripped on when he realized, "Oh, I can have him do the same stupid crappy cliche that he did at the end of Episode III!"

...the scene in Ep VI is the climactic scene for the entire freakin' saga, and it was perfect--perfect!--as released all the various times it's been released in the past. Darth Vader says nothing as he watches the Emperor torture his only son, say, "Now...you will die," and watches impassively as his son pleads for help from his father.

There's this pause as Darth Vader just watches...and then all he does is look at the Emperor, and despite the mask you can see the gears turning...and he grabs the Emperor and hurls him to his death without saying a word. It's a powerful scene and needs absolutely nothing added.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to convey that kind of thing when the actor's face is completely obscured? The man is quivering on the precipice of abandoning his entire life of the past twenty years (more or less) and you can see it.

WTF, why stop at "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"? Why not have Vader do a dramatic monologue, Elizabethan style?
Ah, Emperor, why dost thou torture mine only son?
Tho he be our enemy, must I choose
Between the dark side of the Force, and the light?
Yea, he is foolish, and young;
He is steadfast in his resistance to thine petitions--
Yet he is mine only son, and I must needs
Perforce!
Save his life at the expense of thine!
You know, something like that. I mean, hell, if you're going to fuck it up, why not go big? James Earl Jones could pull it off, and Lucas has the money--and can't seem to stop fucking with the movie--so why not?

* * *

Shit. Why doesn't Lucas screw around with THX-1138 and add all kinds of horseshit to that film? Why doesn't he revamp American Graffiti? Why doesn't he screw up something that isn't a film legend with literal tens of millions of fans?

So I look up his IMDB profile and look under "Director" and what do I see?

THX-1138 is his first real movie. American Graffiti is his second, and Star Wars (later retitled "SW Ep IV A New Hope BLAH BLAH BLAH") is his third.

After that? All SW, all the time, with miscellanious short documentaries for variety.

90% of his work is as "executive producer". And all the films he was "executive producer" for were not exactly huge successes, with the exception of the "Indiana Jones" movies...and he can't take credit for that because they were directed by Spielberg, who is probably the only director in Hollywood who has the horsepower to tell Lucas to go fuck himself when he tries to ruin the movie.

I mean, come on: Willow? Tucker? The latter was an okay movie but the only reason I found it interesting was because of the cars. Howard the Duck? Do I have to go into that? Shit. Labyrinth was interesting and a bit fun, but it was a commercial flop.

...which is why Lucas now confines himself to fucking up SW and making more SW crap: he can't make money any other way.

* * *

I have to call BS on the latest chapter of Umi no Misaki.

Okay, in the last chapter, Nagi and Karin are in bed together and things are getting hot and they're about to get going, you know...only he goes the wrong way, so to speak.

...then freaks out at his mistake and wilts.

NO FUCKING WAY.

Okay, this guy is almost 18 years old and he's in bed with a hot and willing girl and is right on the verge of going all the way--there's no way in hell anything would make him lose his erection. Ninjas could come in through the walls and shoot him with poison darts, and he wouldn't die until after he'd--

That's how motivated an adolescent guy would be in that situation. Okay? It doesn't matter what his personality is like; if she's giving him the green light and he's ready to go, he's going to go even if the fucking planet explodes underneath them. A little mistake about the aim? He'll correct it and go.

...but of course if he actually does it, then the artist has a problem: he's chosen one of the girls (or, at least, one of them now has a serious leg up on the other two) and the love triangle is severely damaged if not wrecked entirely. You can't do that kind of thing when most of the dramatic tension in your series depends on the guy not being able to choose.

But there are better and more realistic ways to solve that problem. Having the guy go limp right before he gets it in is not it.

* * *

...BTW, the whole impotence angle is surprisingly common in manga like this. B Gata H Kei used it to keep Yamada and Kosuda from getting it on--but BGHK is a comedy series, after all, where Umi no Misaki is not...and the circumstances are different.

In BGHK, for example, Yamada has not told Kosuda that she has any special affection for him (let alone saying that she loves him) and Kosuda is unsure about a lot of things. Not so with UnM--all three girls have made it plain that they want him! So the psychological angle just doesn't work.

(I mean, come on: there's that scene where he's trying to bathe and Soyogi comes into the bathroom, stark naked: "...I thought we might be out of shampoo, so I brought you some...." That's a WIN for the glasses girl, BTW.)

(I mean, she'd pass the pencil test. ';' I'm just sayin'.)

* * *

So on the way home from the DMV, as planned, I stopped at the parts store to pick up my brake hoses and to grab some license plate hardware. I pulled into the parking lot and parked next to a red Camaro.

...the car had the word "Ferrari", in the usual font, and the Ferrari badge on the fender by the door.

I looked at myself in the rearview mirror, and then just sighed in resignation.

The car wasn't even a V8 car. It was a V6 with an aftermarket exhaust, and I think it was an auto transmission to boot.

*rolleyes*
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