atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#3313: It's raining FLAMING SQUIRRELS!!!

Given enough time one would suppose that squirrels will evolve electrokinetic senses or at least learn not to short-circuit high-tension power lines with their bodies.

And of course being fluffy and fuzzy, when they complete an impromptu circuit, they catch fire. And because the jolt they get would kill an elephant--a whale!--they expire instantly and fall off whatever they're standing on.

Let's face it: if your body is carrying enough current to set it on fire, you're not exactly a preferred risk, know what I'm saying? Keeping your balance on a literal high wire is entirely off the table under those circumstances.

I prefer to think that the squirrels are stupid rodents, which is why this is happening. I like this better than the notion that--quite possibly--this is the result of a carefully constructed master plan where squads of kamikaze squirrels destabilze our civilization so they can steal our peanut butter and force us to work in their nut mines.

But I wouldn't put it past 'em. Curse those evil squirrels.

* * *

"New report recommends NASA rethink how it avoids contaminating other worlds".

The Fungus recommends a new plan, too: TOUGH SHIT, PRIMITIVE LIFE ON OTHER WORLDS! WE GOT HERE FIRST! MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU'LL EVOLVE FASTER! IT'S SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST, BITCH! AND YOU JUST GOT OUT-COMPETED!

I suppose it fits with the whole eco-nutball idea that humans are a scourge that should be erased from the universe. These folks think we should never leave Earth and quietly die out quickly so that further contamination of the universe will be avoided.

Well, fuck that shit.

* * *

Here is Obama's "do-nothing Congress". The picture is of a meeting of the Senate Budget Committee. One where only three Democrats showed up. All those empty chairs on the near side of the table, those are where the Democrats sit.

Yeah, that's a picture of "Republican obstructionism" right there.

* * *

"Well...it depends on what the definition of 'eating a dog' is...."

Folks on the left are contorting themselves into pretzels trying to spin away the "Obama ate dog when he was a kid" story.

Seriously? We're talking about dogs when we should be talking about the motherfuckin' ECONOMY. WTF.

* * *

Writing advice from Vox Day. This is relevant to my situation.

* * *

Karl Denninger has a post on the Zimmerman/Martin shooting case. This post includes a photograph of Zimmerman's head minutes after EMTs arrived on the scene. It shows the back of Zimmerman's bloody head.
It is becoming increasingly clear that the media intentionally attempted to present a false picture of both the incident itself and George Zimmerman personally with regard to any racial issues surrounding this event.
Yeah, because the media prefers its template--its narrative--to, y'know, reporting the facts.

* * *

Gun owners, Bank of America doesn't want your business. They've as much as said so.

Add them to the list of "never do business with these assholes". Citibank is the same way.

* * *

Damn--with a post title like this one's you'd think I'd be more "on" than this. Well, I was up until 6 AM working on the novel. 49 pages is 1/6th of "RELEASE CANDIDATE #1" and of course my edits introduced new errors while correcting many old ones, but on balance it reads a ton better than the old version did.

It reminds me of a parody of the old Monty Python "Lumberjack Song" I came up with in high school:
I'm an author and I'm okay
I work all night and I sleep all day
I write dirty stories and I get my pay
And I go to the lavatory!
I never got farther than that, because it made the point and it didn't seem necessary.

Word has mangled my table of contents; when I went to print the first 49 pages I told it not to update the table and it did anyway, and for some reason the text changes fonts and size. Word defaults to Times New Roman but I wrote the story in Galant, so I may end up having to change that.

I also need to come up with some good chapter titles and figure out how to get the TOC to include them. Right now it's just chapter numbers, and I do not remember how the hell I managed to make Word auto-increment the ordinals ("one" "two" "three" etc). I think that was from the help file, but can't be sure; at the time I first started writing the rough draft I was in perhaps the top fifteen percent of Word users because of my job--but that was 12 years ago. *sigh*

Worst case, I just hack it out. It's cool that I worked out how to auto-generate chapter numbers and cull the TOC from the text automatically, but the whole rigamarole may be more trouble than it's worth. WTF, it's a novel, not a textbook.

* * *

My plan for today involves three things:

1) Sleeping more. As stated above, it was day before I got to sleep.

2) Grocery shopping. I don't need much, but I need what I need.

3) Working on memorizing my lines and solos for the musical.

...at rehearsal yesterday I totally blew my solo. It's not sung exactly; it's spoken to the cadence of the music, which is pretty hard to do if you're not used to it. And it has to be right, because the kids are doing a dance routine while the song is going and it makes no sense if my words fail to match their actions.

Which they've been learning a month longer than I've been doing anything with this thing.

I knew the words, mostly, but stumbled and went too fast and-and-and, and it was a blow to my confidence in being able to handle doing this shit. Showtime is in two weeks.

I know I can memorize the stuff. I just need to sit down and do it, so from now on I'm intending to listen to the CD and practice my lines and stuff at least an hour every night. Thinking about it, I realized that if I learn to sing the first solo, speaking it will come naturally, so that's going to be part and parcel of my at-home rehearsals...and if I sing it by accident, instead of speaking it--oh well.

I'm gonna get damned sick and tired of this thing before it's all over, but that can't be helped.

There's one song which is about Daniel facing the lions, and the words in one verse go approximately thus:
There's only one conclusion to conclude:
It looks like Daniel's
Going to be their food!
"Their" meaning the lions, of course.

The other day I had this stuck in my head, and this came out:
There's only one conclusion to conclude:
Looks like ol' Danny
Is completely screwed!
Fortunately I'm not singing this one.
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