atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#363: Damn! (or, Ed takes the ball and runs with it. Thanks, Unix_Jedi.)

Unix_Jedi has revealed my secret to all!!! I am out of luck!

Truth be told, I love being a member of the elite. All this great living has rendered me incapable of understanding the true plight of the common man, but why should I care about that? After all, the "common man" is just that--common.

So for those of you who are not members of the elite, let me give you a glimpse into the life of a person who has, in the words of a liberal Democrat gone by, "won life's lottery."

I realize that Unix_Jedi was employing irony in his comment. But I'm going to have a little fun with it.

I wake up around 8 PM. Usually I have time for a shower before going to work. I get into my ultranifty and hyperkeen $400 beater car and drive 22 miles to my place of employment, a Target store.

I stop at McDonald's or Burger King or Wendy's on my way, for a couple of hamburgers. (Eating out! I am rich!)

When I arrive at work, after I have punched in, I head to the Receiving area to help get it ready for the truck unload.

We take a truck just about every night. Sometimes we have to take two; during the Christmas rush two becomes de rigeur (fancy French term! Elite to the core!) and we sometimes have to take three trucks.

Regardless of where I'm sent for the night, I have to move a lot of merchandise around, lots of it heavy stuff. Especially when I pull chemicals and pets--bleach and cat litter are particularly H-E-A-V-Y.

After the truck is unloaded we usually have lunch break; and after that, usually, backstocking begins. All the boxes from the truck which did not go to the sales floor have to be put on shelves and located using the computer scanner; this is more heavy work.

Then once the freight is done, we backstock the overflow from the floor.

Literally every minute that I spend in that building which is not breaktime is spent doing physical labor. I move literal tons of freight in a week. It's not as bad as it used to be; they used to put me on the actual trailer all the time, and in that case you can expect to handle half of the contents of a semi trailer in about 90 minutes.

If I am lucky, I can leave at 6 AM. I punch out and drive home. By the time I get home, my muscles have stiffened up and I hobble to the front door like a man twice my age. Usually I am starving, so I must eat; I also must shower again because I am filthy.

Assuming I get home about 6:45 AM, I then have 3-4 hours to myself before I must go to bed, in order to do it all again. Since Dad died, I have changed my availability so I only work three days per week. This reduces my income but I must split my attention between work and family right now, and working nights makes that really hard to do. I earn somewhere around the poverty line and rarely get to go do anything fun. (This lets me save my "fun" budget for a new computer, so that's not all bad.) I own three cars, although I can afford to insure only one of them and the third is sitting in the garage, in pieces, because I can't afford to buy the parts and services needed to secure a functioning engine.

Okay, enough of the sarcasm, or irony, or WTF-ever. Let's talk facts.

...there are plenty of people in the United States who seriously hold the opinion which Unix_Jedi expressed in jest. (At least, I'm pretty sure it was jest. I hope it was.) As a straight White Anglo-Saxon Protestant man with a "college" degree who is articulate and reasonably healthy, I am a member of the "elite"; I am The Focus of Evil in the Modern World. I have benefitted unfairly from institutionalized racism, sexism, and homophobia. Slavery? My fault. Poverty? My fault. Disease and famine? Guilty and guilty. Hunger? Oh, yeah, that was me.

My race, I mean. My race and my politics. (And my sexual orientation. 'Cause you know no homosexuals ever owned slaves or anything like that.)

In all seriousness, I wish I were one of the elite, you know? I see plenty of them on TV all the time, and they seem to have plenty of money--and they actually have to go exercise to stay fit, because their jobs don't require physical effort.

Actually, I used to have a job like that, kind of. I was paid the "minimum wage" for someone in my position--the lowest possible salary that HR would let them get away with--and none of my efforts ever seemed to be enough for the boss. But I wore dress-casual to work, and sat in front of a computer all day, and I used my brain instead of my muscles...and I arrived home from that job just as tired as I am when I get home from my current job.

My "elite privileged class" is pretty non-privileged. I think I should change classes. Maybe become a Mexican immigrant. They get all kinds of great stuff; they break the law to come here, break other laws by staying here, and when anyone tries just to enforce the law, out come the special-interest lawyers and civil rights groups...and it doesn't cost the "immigrant" a dime. Despite not even being legal immigrants, they are apparently entitled to the kind of free health care which not even poor citizens are given. We treat them with deference and kindness and never, never ever suggest that they are somehow in the wrong by, oh, breaking the law. And of course we may not deport them.

"Where my free shit?"

Perhaps I should become a Katrina victim. Many of them got all kinds of great freebies, including money, help with relocation, clothing, food, etc, etc. Katrina victims who have caused crimes in the cities to which they were relocated--we must not be critical of them; they are victims of George Bush and an uncaring federal government.

"Where my free shit?"

If I were capable of being anti-American, I suppose I could change my class to "anti-American Muslim extremist". We bend over backwards not to offend those guys. Some crazy Muslim shoots up a synagogue and that's just a "shooting spree". Some anonymous person leaves a Koran on the steps of a mosque with two strips of bacon in it, and the FBI gets involved and investigates it as a "hate crime". (I wonder if they would still prosecute it as such if the bacon turned out to be made from turkey? I bet they would; in hate crime, it is "the thought that counts".)

"Where my free shit?"

Maybe if I developed the ability to manufacture nuclear weapons. We have two countries in the world which are actively pursuing this ability--countries which have demonstrated that their intents are inimical to US interests--and we keep pandering to them. All I need is a couple nuclear reactors and a few billion dollars' worth of lab equipment.

"Where my free shit?"

Here in my lofty ivory tower, I am incapable of seeing why I don't get the same benefits we give criminals and the enemies of the country.

Where my free shit?

* * *

I don't know--do "squatter's rights" apply to government housing? Is this a deal I could somehow get in on? As long as I could stay there long enough I could end up owning land, without paying a dime? Where do I sign up??

* * *

Thanks again to Unix_Jedi for his comments. Every time someone comments on one of my posts, it's a happy moment for me.
Subscribe

  • #7558: Yeah, I thought that sounded kind of strange.

    What if they held an insurrection and nobody came? Wednesday night Mrs. Fungus was telling me all about how the news said there was going to be a…

  • #7557: Whose fault, exactly?

    Kid is ranked 62 out of 120 with a GPA of 0.13. What's his mother have to say? He didn't fail, the school failed him. The school failed at their…

  • #7556: Yakisoba night!

    I don't get to make it very often, but I saw a really nice piece of round steak at the store the other day, so I bought it. 1-1.5 lbs beef (round…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments