atomic_fungus (atomic_fungus) wrote,
atomic_fungus
atomic_fungus

#373: Jumping up and yelling at stupid headlines.

Laura Dern says she's been out of work since she kissed Ellen Degenerate Degeneres on her stupid sitcom. She calls it "backlash". Maybe--just maybe--Laura Dern has been out of work because she's a crappy actress with stupid politics. Ellen Degenerate Degeneres being a lesbian has not hurt her career, so why would playing a lesbian hurt Dern's career?

Stupid.

Some geologist says he's found something with the same chemical components as kryptonite, "except for the flourine"--then it's not fricking kryptonite, you idiot. That's like saying that a box of vanilla ice cream is the same as a hot fudge sundae even though it's missing the hot fudge and the whipped cream. Besides, this new mineral is a white powder, not a green crystal; it probably has the wrong freaking molecular structure.

Stupid.

George W. Bush is evil for not making moves to have the US adhere to the Kyoto Protocols, which his precedessor signed and submitted to the Senate, which rejected ratification 95-0. "Developing nations" such as China are exempt from the provisions of Kyoto.

So, while the Europeans ruin their economies trying to adhere to a stupid plan which will do nothing to stop global warming, guess what? China is now emitting more carbon on an annual basis than the United States is. So whose fault is future global warming now?

Stupid.

Some guy in Florida got arrested for killing an alligator. He's charged with "illegal killing or possession of an alligator". What the hell? Alligators kill and eat people. The fewer of them there are around, the better I like it.

The guy says he wanted a new belt. There have to be easier ways to get a new alligator belt than to go get an alligator, kill it, and butcher it yourself.

But the law is stupid, too. Possession of alligator parts is a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5,000 fine and up to 60 days in jail. What the hell is that about?

And he says he's not going to eat it. Damn it, if you go to all the trouble of butchering an animal you ought to eat the damn thing. Alligator is pretty tasty stuff, too.

Stupid.

Sheryl Crow says we should all save trees and use one square of toilet paper to clean up after visiting the toilet. We could save thousands of trees per year!

These days, most of the trees which go into paper mills are "crop" trees. They're planted and harvested. The days of the paper mills going into old-growth forests, chopping down trees, and making paper from them are pretty much over. Some paper comes from the "rainforest", because countries with "rainforest" are so poor that all they can do for hard currency is sell lumber, their most abundant natural resource. (American liberals wish to put a stop to this, of course. To hell with you making a living, poor foreign people! The rainforest is more important to us!)

Toilet paper, in particular, can be made from just about anything, as long as the cellulose is properly processed. I don't care what my toilet paper is made from, as long as it works.

Maybe in Sheryl Crow's world, one sheet of toilet paper is big enough to do the job; but the toilet paper I buy comes in tiny 4x4 sheets. Not nearly big enough.

Stupid.

Some ivory-tower-types at Harvard want to ban smoking in movies. Not smoking in the actual theater, which is already illegal most everywhere, but people in the film smoking.

The theory seems to be that people will see these characters smoking and emulate them. But I don't think that goes far enough.

There are a lot of murders in movies. Let's see how many murders we can prevent in the real world by banning murder in movies. Oh, and robberies, rapes, assaults, and drug use, too. In fact, let's just pass a law right now mandating that movies can only be about "Hello Kitty" going out and smelling flowers. That will fix everything, won't it?

Stupid.

"Puppy prozac"--oh, I give up.
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